Each week on Red Zone and in our printed “Chiefs Extra: Red Friday Edition,” we’re gonna let you know just how and why the Chiefs’ next opponent stinks. One week, it could be Peyton Manning’s vast acreage of forehead. The next it might be Philip Rivers’ tantrums, or a memorable act from the silver and black tragicomedy known as the Oakland Raiders.
First up is the opponent in this week’s Chiefs opener: Tennessee. Cracking on Nashville is tough, because it’s a pretty cool city, but we can definitely poke a finger in the eye of the Titans and their fans, whose closest brush with greatness fell a foot short against the St. Louis Rams in Super Bowl XXXIV (thanks to a tackle by Kansas City’s Mike Jones).
Yeah … we can work with that. Without further adieu, then, here are five reasons why the Titans will never be as cool as the Chiefs.
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Cleveland finally ditched its Most Boring Franchise status by drafting Johnny Middle Finger, leaving Tennessee alone in its mediocrity. No playoffs in five years, 36-44 record during that span ... The Titans might as well replace their flaming “T” with a smoldering “7-9.”
2. Uh, about those unis ...
The light- and dark-blue ensemble somehow works for Sporting KC, the reigning MLS champs. Not so much for the Titans, who look like they’re playing football in pajamas made for adults. Again, zzzzz.
Blame this one on Bud Adams. Not to speak ill of the deceased (and to be fair, the ol’ man did launch the AFL with Chiefs founder Lamar Hunt), but Adams’ decision to vacate Houston was a real kick to the oil rig.
4. Coach Ken Whisenhunt
Your coach’s nickname could be “Whiz,” for goodness sake. In fact, it probably should be. Let’s move on.
5. The ‘Meh’ former Chiefs
We harbor no ill will toward lil’ Dexter McCluster or kicker Ryan Succop. But we’ll give the final word to ex-Chiefs safety Bernard Pollard, who recently told TitanInsider: “We have been a team where we have sucked butt.”