If you’ve been following this blog you already know that I went to the Royals’ team barber with Eric Hosmer. DeJuan Bonds of the Purple Label Luxury Barber Shop comes to Kauffman Stadium and cuts hair for Royals players and players from visiting teams.
Hosmer agreed to come along and supervise my new look as Bonds cut my hair. I figured we’d shoot a video, have a few laughs; end of story.
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But the story was just beginning; by taking a quantum leap forward in hair style, I’ve suffered some unintended consequences.
My usual wardrobe consists of a baseball cap, polo shirt, Wrangler jeans and Reeboks. In the winter I switch the polo shirt for a flannel shirt and the Reeboks hibernate while I wear hiking boots.
I look like an unmade bed, but I’m comfortable.
However the haircut came out, I had planned on smashing a baseball cap on top of it and going about my business. But I’ve got to say my hair looked much better than I expected (Bonds is really good at what he does) and I’ve been getting a lot of positive comments about it. (If you hated it, thanks for keeping that to yourself.)
So no more baseball caps.
And keeping my new cut current takes some upkeep. If you watch the video closely you’ll see that Bonds has on two different shirts; he cut my hair first and two days later we got Hosmer in the chair. But after only two days Bonds ordered me back in the chair so he could “tighten me up.” Bonds is a true artist and I had a couple hairs out of place that were bothering him. So if I want to keep looking sharp I need to get my hair cut at least every couple weeks; every 10 days would be preferable.
Then there were other peoples’ reactions.
At a Ned Yost news conference, the Royals manager asked about my new look and when I revealed I’d gone to the barber with Hosmer, Fox Sports Kansas City’s Joel Goldberg asked Yost if he would ever let Hosmer decide how he wore his hair.
Yost said: “No, I’m my own man” which cracked everybody up — even me.
The Royals manager then asked me if I’d jump of a bridge if he told me to do it, and I said if he’d jump off the bridge with me and we could make a video, the answer would be yes.
I arrived at work the next day and the consensus of my co-workers was that the haircut looked good, but I now needed to get some new shirts to go with it; shirts with more than two buttons. And it wouldn’t hurt if I started ironing whatever shirt I chose to wear.
Looking good was a lot more work than I imagined.
Then I was told I needed to quit wearing “dad jeans” and I didn’t even know that’s what I had on. And once the baggy jeans were thrown out I needed to do something about my ratty sneakers. I also needed to start wearing “product” in my hair. And get some designer socks. And hit a tanning salon. And start shaving every day. And buy an electric razor to groom my beard.
And as long as I was doing all that, I should also toss my $18.99 Timex wristwatch. So I’m guessing my Toyota Matrix with the dent in the left front fender doesn’t fit my new image either.
Pretty much everyone at The Kansas City Star had a piece of advice on improving my look. A reporter stopped me in the hallway and said I’d screwed up my hair — I had it brushed back and he said it needed to lean forward — and reached over and fixed it for me.
Apparently it takes a village to raise a child or make me look good.
So here’s where things stand: I’m now sporting a “Playoff Hos” hairdo (the Playoff Hos has a hard part in the side), I have Moroccan Oil texturing clay in my hair (and I’m not making that up), a goatee, a Hugo Boss dress shirt, designer jeans and a pair of Johnston & Murphy tasseled loafers.
And to be honest, I think I look pretty damn good.
But it’s like buying a Lamborghini; the car is expensive enough, the upkeep will break you. So enjoy my new look while it lasts, because there’s no way in hell I can keep this up.