Two years ago SportsGrid hosted a March Madness bracket of “all the best non-basketball brackets so far.”
Let this end “bracketing things” for all time, the website begged.
Like it or not, March was made for brackets. And except for that giant one announced Sunday wherein KU is the No. 1 seed, few of them have anything to with hoops.
Brackets over the years have pitted fast food, action movies, cartoon characters, show dogs, profanities, Muppets and wedding gowns. (For all you fashionistas, TLC’s current gown madness pits fit and flares, sheaths, ball gowns and A-lines.)
Some brackets surely inspire a lot of prayer. This year, for instance, the Archiocese of St. Louis has created a bracket based on parish names in the diocese. St. Francis of Assisi or St. Francis de Sales?
And things are getting a little crispy and heated in the fried chicken face-off sponsored by The Star’s food blog, Chow Town. After more than 5,000 votes cast, Stroud’s, Rye, Niecie’s Restaurant and Go Chicken Go have made it to this week’s semifinals.
Here are 10 other alternative March Madness brackets.
While KU fans are in Des Moines they can check out the March Madness Beer Bracket run by the local newspaper, The Des Moines Register.
The bracket breaks down Iowa beers into four “regions”: light and crisp, dark and malty, hoppy, and strong, sour or fruity.
By the way, all the beers in the running are available at the Iowa Taproom, just opened in Des Moines. So a gentle reminder: Research responsibly.
2. 2016 TV couples.
Zimbio’s tournament will crown the best TV couple of the year. There are four “conferences” in this tournament: Ross & Rachel Conference, Sam & Diane, Pacey & Joey Conference, and Zack & Kelly. The fourth round is underway.
Still in the running: Piper and Alex (“Orange is the New Black”), Penny and Leonard (“The Big Bang Theory”) and Daenerys and Daario from “Game of Thrones,” who beat out Olivia and Fitz. Sorry, “Scandal” fans.
3. Lent Madness
Saints preserve us! There’s actually a March Madness bracket pitting 32 saints against each other. Check it out at lentmadness.org.
In the first round, Saint Barnabas took down Saint Elmo in the fevered Barney vs. Elmo matchup.
This week’s Elate Eight — also known as the Round of Saintly Kitsch — will move four saints closer to the coveted Golden Halo.
Go with God.
4. Mammals big and small
This one’s become an annual event for the blog called Mammals Suck ... Milk!
This year’s bracket started with 65 mammals competing in four regions: Mighty Giants, Mascot Mammals, Chill Mammals and Mammals of the Nouns.
You decide which competitors would win head-to-head in simulated battle situations.
You can follow the action on Twitter, #2016MMM.
5. Kansas City BBQ
The KCFoodGuys are back with March Madness Kansas City barbecue brackets.
In the People’s Choice bracket, winners are chosen by the public. Voting in round one ends Tuesday. Joe’s Kansas City won the People’s Choice tournament last year.
Q39 won a second bracket whose winners are chosen by the website’s crew and mystery diners.
6. Hot Dogs
The national Hot Dog and Sausage Council has thrown assorted franks and meats on a March Madness grill. Sixteen “regionals” feature hot dogs and assorted toppings from the North, South, Midwest and West.
And yes, Kansas City is represented in the Midwest regional.
Previous winners have included the West Virginia dog with chili, mustard and coleslaw, and last year’s Cleveland Indians Sugardale dog.
7. 1990s TV shows
Things could get ugly in 90s TV Shows Bracket Madness run by EightScreens.com.
The No. 1 seeds are “All That,” “Seinfeld,” “Boy Meets World” and “Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.”
Topanga vs. Elaine? Bring it on.
8. ‘Star Wars’ characters
Heroes and villains from “Star Wars: The Force Awakens” go at it in the annual Star Wars Character Tournament.
In this galaxy far, far away, characters are divided into two conferences: Light Side and Dark Side.
Darth Vader won the tournament last year. Will evil triumph again this year?
9. Guitar riffs
Riff Madness 2016, sponsored by a Maryland music store, will (vainly) try to answer the question: What is the greatest guitar riff of all time?
Ozzy Osbourne’s “Crazy Train”?
Deep Purple’s “Smoke on the Water”?
Cream’s “Sunshine of Your Love”?
Guns N’ Roses’ “Sweet Child O’ Mine”?
Yes, yes, yes and yes.
10. Tournament Earth
Sponsored by the NASA Earth Observatory, Tournament Earth pits images from various observatories around the globe.
Yep, this interactive tournament is a real geek-out experience.
Check out photos of shockwaves and hurricanes and lightning and the Earth shrouded in clouds. The tourney wraps up on April 1, no fooling.