For the first time in my life I feel decidedly disconnected from the majority of humanity. I, a woman who loves to talk, have recently had zero to contribute to almost any conversation.
Over the weekend I was at an event and the topic of most people’s discussions left me with the dreaded dual emotions of being confused and lonely. I literally haven’t felt this boxed out of the social tete-a-tete since I was in the seventh grade and sat at the cool kids table in the cafeteria.
I mistakenly thought having a “Charlie Angel’s” lunchbox and shampooing with “Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific” was the ticket to popularity. Suffice it say I was wrong – really, really wrong.
I believe I’m being ostracized because I’m one of the few mortals with an internet connection that hasn’t seen so much as a frame of the “Game of Thrones” or any Marvel movie e-v-e-r. For a second I thought I had seen a Marvel movie because two years ago I went to “Wonder Woman” and loved it but when I tried to chime into a conversation with a “Wonder Woman” comment some supercilious super hero geek gave me a dressing down that was so intense I felt like I was right back at that middle school lunch table.
I’m sorry but if you’re an adult who is getting mail about joining AARP it’s time to calm yourself over a person not knowing that Wonder Woman is in the DC Universe and has no relationship to Marvel.
I get it, people are passionate about comic book characters but it’s not like I said Captain America wasn’t hot. In fact, in terms of life’s mistakes not knowing what comic book family Wonder Woman resides in is pretty tame. Excuse me for not being super hero savvy enough to grasp that Wonder Woman hails from Paradise Island in the DC Universe. My bad.
I am smart enough to keep my mouth firmly shut when any “Game of Thrones” discussions start. All I know is that winter has come and left, there are dragons, lots of other freaky stuff like a Starbuck’s cup was left on a table in a land that is pre-cellulose fiber paper and that Joe Jonas, my daughter’s tween boy band crush, married a star from the series. Other than that I’ve got nothing.
This whole being out of the loop is getting to me. So much so that I told my husband I was going to binge watch every single “Game of Thrones” until I was caught up. He laughed and informed me that I don’t have the time or the attention span to do that because it would take days and also an HBO subscription.
As he was laughing at me I looked it up on my phone and he wasn’t kidding. I would need 70 hours to get my “Game of Thrones” on. #hardpass. My desire to contribute to the conversational zeitgeist draws the line at that many hours of dragons and Defcon 1 level family throw downs.
I thought that perhaps immersing myself in the Marvel movies was the better way to go. I was all in to see the “Avengers” until I was emphatically told by two strangers who overheard my pronouncement that one just doesn’t go to see “Avengers: Infinity War” without viewing all the other movies in chronological order. Apparently, I needed the context to grasp the storyline.
I bravely asked, “But do I? It’s basically good versus evil. There’s a big fight. Good wins.”
Yep, you guessed it. I was transported back to that middle school lunch table again. Maybe I’ll just enjoy being quiet.
Reach Sherry Kuehl at firstname.lastname@example.org, on Facebook at Snarky in the Suburbs, on Twitter at @snarkynsuburbs on Instagram @snarky.in.the.suburbs, and snarkyinthesuburbs.com.