Joco Diversions

Brilliant inspiration: Combine dentist office, spa and throw in drinks

A tasty beverage would take the edge off a trip to the dentist.
A tasty beverage would take the edge off a trip to the dentist. TNS

Dental Health & Day Spa? why KC needs a dental spa

I have a fun dental hygienist. So much so, I actually enjoy going to the dentist office. My hygienist doesn’t mumble, spit talk or have major intestinal issues. As you might know, there’s nothing worse than being immobile, lying next to a stomach gurgle.

Plus, she laughs at my jokes. Is it too much to ask for both painless cleanings and entertainment in one sitting? I think not. Of course you want to have a qualified dentist, but for someone who doesn’t get cavities, it’s the hygienist that matters the most. She’s a keeper.

In fact, my gal helped inspired the idea for this column. During my cleaning, she asked how I come up with column ideas.

When she removed her hands and a pointy object from my mouth, I said, “It just happens. Something weird during the week will make me laugh, and then it usually grows and changes from there.”

I added, “Plus, I have a twisted view of the world, so that helps.”

I thought that was the end of that, but then it happened — the hint of a topic! I overheard in the next room, an older man asking his hygienist for a hot towel. Well, that sent me off into a giggle fit.

My snickering soon morphed into a snort as I quietly imagined him getting a shave after his cleaning.

Would it be another person to sharpen the straight edge on his leather barber’s sharpening strop, or is this an extra service by the other hygienist?

It was becoming too difficult for my gal to finish up my flossing between my laughs, so she stopped and asked what was going on in my head.

“The man in the next room just asked for a hot towel. (whispering) Do you think it’s scented with jasmine or sandalwood?” I said with a smirk.

Without missing a beat, she replied, “Nope. Just bleach.”

Her snarky remark kept my silly scenario moving forward and the laughter growing.

“Haven’t I ever given you one?” she asked.


“A hot towel?” she continued.

I scrunched my eyes, “No, I don’t think so. But my memory is so iffy now. Unless you wrote it in the chart there’s no way to know.”

My hygienist went back to work on my chompers, as I strained to hear the people in the adjacent room. Bummer! No shave.

After a few quiet minutes, my gal giggled, “He has the first class appointment… like on an airplane.”

That started us creating the ideal dental office/spa with the momentum and excitement and of a toddler on chocolate.

Everyone gets to relax in a heated and massaging reclining chair. Dolce & Gabbana designer glasses are offered to shield the clients’ eyes, and a silver-plated tray and tongs are used to discard the hot fragrant towels.

Of course there’d be different spa and teeth-cleaning price levels. There’d be manicures, pedicures and facials. Mini massages, a make up refresher, and for men the old-school shave. The options are endless! All the while, you are listening to spa music, smelling essential oils and having the plague scraped off your teeth.

There is a pediatric dental office in town that used to have a slushee machine for the kids. Every kid who finished a cleaning could get a to-go cup. This always sounded ridiculous to me. Why not just hand them a super-sized bag of M&Ms and a large block of ice to chew on the way out? That’d bring them back quicker!

Despite that, it spurred the idea of beverages for our spa. “Maybe you could put margaritas, pina coladas and strawberry daiquiris in one of those slushee machines. I bet people would really get into this, especially if they’re dental-office-phobic,” I said.

“I’ve seen in some dental magazines, a dental practice where they would give them champagne,” informed my wise cleaner of teeth. What? Someone else has come up with our plan!

But I’m sure they don’t have a hot towel and shave package or a slushee cocktail machine.

If you’re a local dentist and have interest in designing our dental spa, send me an email. I’m only asking 20 percent of sales and, of course, free cocktails.

Stacey Hatton can be reached at