Q: I’m a 15-year-old girl, and I’m madly in love with my boyfriend. The only problem is, I can’t tell anyone but my closest friends about him. I met him over the internet, and he’s an amazing guy. I didn’t think I’d ever fall in love with him, but I did. He lives in New York, and I’m planning on going up to see him as soon as I possibly can.
I really, really want to tell my mom, but I don’t want to lose him. I know if I say too much about him, she’ll find out. He’s a better boyfriend than my last boyfriend, and he actually treats me like I’m something and not dirt. He truly saved me, but I know my mom won’t see it that way. What do I do? — In Love in Virginia
A: Start thinking with your head instead of your heart. There is no guarantee that everything the person — as nice as he appears to be — has told you online is true, including his name, his gender, his age, marital status or criminal record.
What you need to do is level with your mom about the fact that you have met someone on the internet you think is special, and ask her if you can invite him to visit YOU so you can get to know each other and she can check him out. You should NOT go to a different city to meet him because to do so could be very dangerous.
Q: My husband and I are in our 50s and have been having marital difficulties lately. We work different shifts. By the time he gets home, I’m sound asleep.
He likes to wake me up in the middle of the night for sex. I told him it’s not right because I have to work in the morning. He said he thought he saw in the Dear Abby column that if a husband wakes a wife for sex, she should accommodate him. I told him that was crazy. But I wanted to check with you. Help! — Weary in the Midwest
A: He may have read that in some other advice column, but he didn’t get permission from me. What I HAVE written is that coercing or bullying someone into doing something of a sexual nature that he or she doesn’t want to do is abuse.
Q: I work for a small company where I am privy to a lot of confidential information, and I know the owner is letting the business die. All of the experienced senior staff have quit because they recognized what’s going on, but the new hires think this is normal. These are self-supporting young adults with college loans to pay off. One is a dad with a young child.
I feel so guilty looking for a job while everyone else is clueless about their future. Because it’s part of my position to know how we are doing financially, I can’t tell them they will be out of jobs soon. Or can I? — Keeping a Secret
A: Much as you might wish to, I don’t recommend that you spill the beans. If you reveal proprietary information to the other employees, and you signed a confidentiality agreement with your bosses at the time you were hired, as many employees do, you could be sued.
Write Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.