DEAR ABBY: I recently found out my ex-boyfriend married the girl he cheated on me with, and they have had a baby. I didn’t think it would affect me because it has been nine years since our breakup, but I feel devastated and sad all over again. I constantly wonder why he was blessed with the happy ending I was wishing for. I ask myself why I haven’t met anyone worthwhile.
I am scared to go through the pain again, so I put on a smiling face for everyone. I want to forget this miserable relationship and be happy. What can I do to move on with my life? — Lost in New Jersey
DEAR LOST: That’s a good question, and I’m glad you asked because it means you may finally be ready to do it.
One way to move forward would be to keep busy so you won’t brood. Make an effort to meet new people, because the saying “no risk, no reward” is true. If you have saved any mementos of your relationship with your ex-boyfriend, box them up and put them away, or get rid of them entirely because this chapter of your life is finished.
I can’t guarantee this will bring you another romance, but it will be a step in the right direction.
It’s not too early to talk about end of life issues
DEAR ABBY: My mother is a certified nursing assistant for hospice and loves her work. She has been assisting the terminally ill for 16 years. I’m writing because lately she has become insistent that my brother and I complete our wills, medical directives, powers of attorney, etc.
My brother and I are in our late 20s and in excellent health. While I do agree that Mom’s advice is prudent, I have the impression that she views this issue — and our family — through the lens of her negative work experiences. Is there an appropriate time and place to discuss this matter? — Looking Way Ahead in Chicago
DEAR LOOKING: Absolutely. How about tonight at the dinner table? The time to have these discussions — and put your thoughts in writing — is while you are healthy and thinking clearly. While I agree that what may be driving your mother are things she sees at work every day, the reality is that illness and tragedy can strike people of all ages at any time.
It’s important that family members hear what a person wants or doesn’t want should a situation arise in which that person is unable to speak for him- or herself. And it’s equally important for you and your brother to hear what your mother’s wishes are if you don’t already know.
He wants to hold their hands
DEAR ABBY: I am a 70-year-old senior who is sexually dysfunctional. I am so lonely. I have outlived two of my brides. Do you think I could find someone who would just appreciate holding hands and whispering sweet words without the physical contact? — Young at Heart in Texas
DEAR YOUNG: Not only do I think you can, I suspect you may need police protection to control the crowd of applicants. Years ago, my aunt, the late Ann Landers, polled her female readers asking if they would prefer “holding and cuddling” to actually doing “the deed.” The majority of them answered in the affirmative.
Write Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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