Q: I have observed (and experienced) that people won’t tell you about a husband’s or wife’s infidelity while you and your spouse are together. However, they WILL reveal it after the divorce or death. What purpose does that serve?
If people don’t want to get involved, then allow me to make a suggestion: Send an unsigned letter in the mail with no return address. There are also phone features that let a person place an anonymous call. Call the workplace of the cheated-on spouse if you don’t have his or her cellphone number.
However you can, give the person as much information as you know. If you do, maybe a marriage can be saved, or a spouse won’t have to deal with an STD. Do you have an opinion, Abby? — Strictly Anonymous
A: People who feel compelled to tell others something “for their own good” should closely examine their motives before doing it. Unsigned letters with no return address are usually sent by cranks trying to target someone they want to hurt or to destroy a marriage. If someone takes it upon him- or herself to notify a spouse about a mate’s cheating, that person should be honest enough to state who he/she is. If people can’t do that, they should mind their own business.
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While some wives or husbands may be ignorant about their spouse’s infidelity, the truth is that many already do know something is wrong but are not yet ready to deal with it.
Q: I know you provide a booklet to help teens with questions about sex. But when should I talk to my son or give him a copy? He will turn 9 soon. I know that is young, but kids today are exposed to so much so early. — Kristen in Maryland
A: You’re absolutely right; they are. They also mature earlier than children of previous generations. That’s why it is so important for parents and guardians to begin discussing subjects like alcohol, drugs, sex and family values well before their children start experimenting.
So talk to your son now. Do not be shocked if he tells you he has already heard it all from contemporaries. If he has, ask him to tell you what he knows, because what he heard may be inaccurate, and it will give you a chance to correct any misinformation.
My booklet “What Every Teen Should Know” can help to start the conversation. It has been distributed in doctors’ offices and by educators and religious leaders, as well as parents like you who may find it uncomfortable to discuss these topics with their children. It can be ordered by sending your name and address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds), to Dear Abby Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.
Before giving your son the booklet, first read it yourself. The more information you can provide, the better prepared your son will be to make informed choices in the future.
Write Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.