Q: For the last five months I have been talking to a guy I met via a dating app. We live a few states apart and have yet to meet in person, but we communicate regularly.
With my tax refund this year, I’d like to do something for me. He suggested that I visit him. I don’t get any red flags from him, and I’m sure I’d be 100 percent safe while I’m there. However, I’m anxious about taking a trip by myself to visit a guy I’ve developed a massive crush on.
I have thought about offering to pay his way here instead or simply not going at all. I asked my friends and family for their opinions. Some of them think I should go, while others say I should pay his way here. I need advice from an outsider’s perspective. — Confused and Crushing
A: I vote for having your friend come and visit you the first time you meet. That way your family and friends can meet him, and if your massive crush doesn’t live up to your expectations, you won’t be alone in a strange city and at a disadvantage.
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Q: I live in a house with my husband, his 11-year-old son and my husband’s father. I am pregnant with my first child and I get cravings for chocolate. I sometimes hide my special chocolates in my armoire so I don’t have to worry about my sugar-crazed son getting to them.
However, I have recently found out that he goes through my things to find the goodies and helps himself. I feel he has stepped over the line and violated my privacy. My husband and I have confronted him about it more than once, and each time he lies and argues before he eventually admits it.
We have talked to him about privacy and make sure to give him his privacy in his room. How can we turn his behavior around and make him see that he is being disrespectful toward me? — Pregnant Chocolate Lover
A: There should be consequences for misbehavior, and they should be explained to the boy. He should also understand there will be more severe consequences for lying to cover it up. Because you know the boy cannot be trusted, put a lock on the closet or cupboard where you stow your stash, or on your bedroom door.
Q: My husband and I have been happily married for 38 years. Almost everything is great, except that the wife of his best friend, “Ted,” has the hots for my husband. We all get along well, but it’s obvious her interest is mostly in my husband, not me.
Ted has no idea his wife feels this way, but several people have pointed it out, and I have observed the way she acts. I have talked to my husband about it. He in no way is interested in her.
I would never want to jeopardize my husband’s friendship with Ted, and I enjoy being friends with them both, but I’m uncomfortable about her feelings for my husband. Can I say something to her and let her know how I feel without ruining the friendship with her or the one my husband has with Ted? — Situation in Austin, Texas
A: Probably not. While it wouldn’t change the relationship your husband has with Ted, if you address this with his wife and tell her you know she has been lusting after your husband, it’s sure to cause embarrassment. And that’s not conducive to a close friendship.
Write Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.