Q: I am a young man who is currently in college. When I was an infant I was circumcised, and I feel violated that my parents decided to circumcise me without my consent. When the doctor performed the surgery, he took too much off, which causes me pain.
When I was in grade school, I was sexually assaulted by an older classmate, but I feel much more violated from the circumcision because it took a part of me that I can never get back. I am filled with hate and anger toward my parents, even though I know it is unfair to them because they believed they were making the right choice at the time.
My parents know how I feel and are sorry, but I still have these negative feelings toward them because I can’t get the procedure undone. Do you have any suggestions how I can overcome my dilemma and build a better relationship with my parents? — Cut Short in California
A: Yes, I have several. All of them involve talking to doctors. The place to start would be your student health center to determine exactly what is causing your pain and if there is help for it. A doctor there may refer you to a urologist, who may be able to get the problem corrected.
In addition, I urge you to talk to a licensed mental health professional to help you work through your anger because it may be misdirected and a result of the sexual assault you experienced in grade school.
Q: My husband and I live in a small house on a small lot. We don’t have children, but love kids. Our problem is our next-door neighbors, whose two elementary school-age boys have limited supervision. They’re always in our yard digging and leaving their toys around. Honestly, their own yard is bigger.
They constantly come over asking for candy, and the other day while my husband was working from home, he heard someone trying to open the door and pushing the keypad for entry. Needless to say, it was one of the boys.
I have tried asking them nicely to retrieve their toys, etc., but I’m getting really frustrated and afraid I’m going to lose my patience soon and blow. Please help us. — Trying to Remain Nice Neighbors
A: You say you have spoken to the boys, but have you spoken to their parents? That one of the boys would try to gain entry to your house — I assume thinking there was no one there — is worrisome, and the parents should be put on notice about it. (In some neighborhoods the outcome could be dangerous.) If you can’t get them to take action, then consider fencing your yard.
Write Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.