If your husband is “wonderful,” why has he tolerated his parents’ treating you this way for 17 years? He should have insisted from the beginning of your marriage that you be treated with respect. I can’t believe the two of you would expose your children to this multiple times a year.
You can’t “make” your in-laws stop their verbal abuse, but your husband might be able to if he locates his spine and puts his foot down. There should be no more talk of moving close to these toxic people, nor should there be any more visits to them until they either change their attitudes or learn to watch their mouths. If your husband feels he must go, then he should go alone, and you should stop making excuses for your absence.Disturbing discovery in husband’s email DEAR ABBY: My husband is an alcoholic who attends AA meetings. Last night he forgot to sign out of his email, and I saw he has been corresponding with a woman he met at the meetings. In her message she confided her problems finding a man. His reply was that she has been picking the wrong men, that he cares and that they need to talk face-to-face. I wish I had never seen the email. Because of it, I can’t eat or sleep, worrying about what might possibly be going on. I don’t want to confront him because he has a nasty temper, yet I feel I must do something. But what? — Lost in Nowhere, Montana DEAR LOST:
Instead of “confronting” your husband, simply ask him if he has become this woman’s AA sponsor. It might explain why she is confiding in him, and why he suggested they meet face-to-face to talk, which could be entirely innocent. Does he have a history of cheating on you?
If something is going on, it would be better for your emotional health to know what you are dealing with. And if your husband responds with verbal or physical abuse because of his “nasty temper,” you should insist on marriage counseling or get out of there for your own safety.© Universal Uclick 2/21