DEAR ABBY: I have been with my husband for 10 years. We were married six months ago. Before the wedding, we had some breakups. During one of them, he dated another woman briefly. The encounter led to her becoming pregnant, and she gave birth to a boy who is now a year old. I learned about her and her pregnancy five months before our wedding, but we have been able to work through it with intense counseling.
Last week, I received a Facebook message from a woman who advised me that my husband had approached her at the gym and said he was single, so they went on a date. After our wedding he stopped seeing her but continued contacting her. She figured something was up and found pictures of me and my husband on Facebook. When she told him she knew he was married, he stopped calling and texting. She said she knew him for only a week and didn’t have sex with him.
When I confronted him, he said he had made a “mistake.” He apologized and said it wouldn’t happen again. He said he no longer sees her, but how can I ever trust him again? Please tell me what to do. — The New Mrs. in Kansas
DEAR NEW MRS.: After what happened, I don’t blame you for distrusting your husband. He had every intention of starting a sexual relationship with the woman at the gym, and would have if she hadn’t researched him.
The man you married appears to have a serious character defect. It’s up to you to decide if you are willing to tolerate another “lapse,” should it occur. Some women are willing to stay married to a womanizer, but others don’t want to put up with the pain. I can’t decide that for you, but some sessions with a psychologist may help you make a well-thought-out decision.
Break this promise
DEAR ABBY: I’m a girl in my early teens. Recently I attended a family gathering at my grandparents’ home. While I was upstairs alone, my 14-year-old cousin “Jared” asked to see my boobs. When I told him no, he immediately made me promise not to tell anyone. I’m afraid of Jared now and I need help. What should I do? — Freaked Out in Indiana
DEAR FREAKED OUT: Some promises are supposed to be kept. Others can be dangerous. It is important to know the difference. What you should do is tell your mother what happened. Jared’s parents need to be aware so they can talk with him about appropriate behavior because his wasn’t, and he could land in serious trouble if he doesn’t learn about boundaries.
Her name, her business
DEAR ABBY: Recently, my mother divorced her second husband (not my father). It was ugly. She has been down in the dumps, and I’m doing my best to console her. She wants to get rid of his last name, which is understandable, but she wants to change it to MY married last name, so “we’ll all have the same family name.”
I think it’s kind of sweet. My husband doesn’t mind. A few family members think this is crazy. What say you, Abby? — Lisa in New Jersey
DEAR LISA: Although it’s unusual, if you and your husband have no objection, I think the other family members should stay out of it.
Write Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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