DEAR ABBY: I moved away from my hometown 18 years ago. At the time, a friend of mine had found out she was HIV-positive. Thankfully, healthwise she’s doing well. To look at her you would never know.
We have reconnected, but I have recently learned that she had several relationships in the past and didn’t reveal that she was HIV-positive or use protection. She says she “loves” these men, their families and their children. It makes me sick that she’s killing them.
Someone called her doctor and he talked to her about it, but she lied and said that she had told them. These men have no idea! What can be done so she quits spreading this disease? — She’s Killing Them in Indiana
DEAR S.K.T.: I ran your letter by an old and trusted friend, Dr. Mervyn Silverman, former director of health in San Francisco. He asked me to reassure you that if your friend has been under treatment for HIV, her chances of passing it on are far less than they were years ago. He also mentioned that if these men’s wives had contracted HIV from their husbands and become pregnant, that their disease would very likely have been discovered.
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You need to talk to your friend and explain that this is both a health issue and one of morality. If she’s continuing to have unprotected sex with her partners, there is still some potential risk that she could pass along the virus. So if she truly loves anyone but herself, she will get with the program and be honest about her health status.
Controlling behavior a concern
DEAR ABBY: I’m a single mother of two wonderful daughters. I have a fantastic boyfriend, “Roy,” who I met when I was pregnant with my second. We have been together for six months and I love him very much.
Unfortunately, he has become mildly controlling and critical. Roy has no children of his own, and he doesn’t seem to realize what goes into working, raising children and running a household. Recently, he gave me a promise ring, which I accepted. He’s great with the girls and he makes me happy.
My father, however, says that the controlling behavior will only get worse down the road. I think it’s because Roy was laid off from work and is having a hard time finding a job. I’m sure once he’s working he’ll be less focused on me. Who’s right, me or my father? — Mom of Two in Rhode Island
DEAR MOM OF TWO: When a couple has been together for only six months, they are usually still in what is referred to as the “honeymoon phase.” Has Roy been jobless since you met him? If the layoff is recent, then his change in behavior may be related to his frustration at not being able to find another job.
However, your father not only has a point, he also has more experience than you do. Pay attention to what he’s telling you. If Roy becomes increasingly controlling and critical, you’ll know your father was right, and you should return that promise ring. So take your time and please don’t rush!
Write Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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