DEAR ABBY: I am a 42-year-old divorced father of two. I have had a girlfriend, “Dawn,” for about a year. She has met my kids, but she’s still uncomfortable with the “situation.” She has concerns about me having been married before, such as having experienced many of the firsts she has yet to enjoy.
Dawn doesn’t like being in my house because I had it when I was married, and she says my kids remind her of my past. She says she doesn’t want to share me with anyone, including them.
When we’re alone, we are absolutely phenomenal as a couple. We love and care about each other deeply. This is causing a tremendous amount of stress on us, and neither of us knows how to handle it or what to do. Please help. — Two’s Company in Illinois
DEAR TWO’S COMPANY: Forgive me for being blunt, but you need to break it off with this woman before you waste any more of her time or yours. You may be crazy about Dawn, but your first responsibility must be to your children, and she has made it clear how she feels about them.
You may be phenomenal as a couple, but there are more people involved than just the two of you. She needs to find someone who has no encumbrances, and you need to find a lady who has a greater capacity for love than Dawn appears to be capable of.
Carrying in drinks
DEAR ABBY: I often eat out with friends when we travel and when we’re here at home. Some of them bring their own canned drinks or powdered drink mix to add to water served by the restaurant. I have an uneasy feeling about this. I don’t think it is right to take my own drink into an eating establishment.
I have never said anything negative about it, but I haven’t joined in the practice. Is my discomfort MY problem? What do you think about this? — Testy Southern Belle
DEAR BELLE: What I think about it is less important than what the restaurant does, and not knowing the reason your friends behave this way, I am hesitant to judge them. I’m not sure what kind of canned or powdered drink your friends are bringing, but if they are on some kind of restricted diet, then it’s what they need to do for a while. If the restaurant objected, the manager would either tell your friends not to do it anymore or institute a charge to make up for the lost income.
Dad is pushed away
DEAR ABBY: I have been with “Russell” for four months. We live together and eventually would like to be married. Russ is very honest. He told me he had impregnated a woman prior to me and she was eight months pregnant. I asked him to contact her on my behalf so I can meet her, since we plan on having a future together.
When I called the woman to suggest we meet somewhere, she cursed me out for contacting her and for telling her she can’t communicate with Russ unless I’m involved. When Russ told her the same thing, she ordered him not to contact her again.
Russ has tried calling her since then because he wants to be involved in his child’s life, but she never called him back. What do you think we should do? — Looking Toward the Future
DEAR LOOKING: What Russell should do — and you, as well — is talk with an attorney to establish exactly what his rights and responsibilities will be to his child, once paternity has been established.
TO MY JEWISH READERS: At sundown, Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year, begins. This is the beginning of our time of solemn introspection. “Leshana tova tikatevu” — may each of us be inscribed in the Book of Life and enjoy a good year.
Write Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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