Q: I am a 70-year-old woman, married for 50 years, and I hate my husband. He wants to go to swinger parties and toss me to other men. I tried it a couple of times for him and hated it.
He is overbearing and rude. We don’t have any friends where we live, so he seeks out new people. He doesn’t listen to my begging not to do this. His computer is full of porn and his thoughts are sinful, although he can’t perform.
Every day I wish he were dead, but I feel guilty for these thoughts. Please tell me what to do. My life is unbearable. — Past My Limit in Orlando
A: By now it should be apparent to you that you can’t change your husband. The only thing you can change is yourself. If you find the strength to do that, your circumstances will change. Because you say your life is unbearable, stop bearing it. Talk to a lawyer and set yourself free.
Q: My 33-year-old son has mental problems. He is moving out to live with a guy he has been talking to on the internet and who has met him once.
His father and I are against it, not because of their homosexuality but because we are afraid it’s a dangerous situation. We have learned that the guy was arrested three years ago on three different charges. He says he was cleared but refuses any background checks or fingerprinting for jobs and/or government housing.
When we tried to talk to our son and explain the dangers, he became irate and blamed everything on us. He has no driver’s license and has threatened to take off. He has also threatened suicide. We have asked him to consider talking to a psychiatrist, but he refuses. He does see a psychologist every three months, and he’s supposed to be on medication, which he refuses to take. How can we deal with this? His psychologist won’t talk to us unless my son gives the OK. — Desperate Worried Mother
A: Because your son is an adult, unless he is a danger to himself or others, there is nothing you can do to prevent him from leaving. However, you CAN write his psychologist a letter letting him/her know what is going on and address your concerns. There is a chance your son might pay more attention to what his therapist says than to you.
An organization that may be of help to you is the National Alliance on Mental Illness, accessible at NAMI.org. It may be able to provide you with the guidance and emotional support you need.
Q: I’m 16, and I have a crush on a guy who is 23. We met in the gym he works at. He’s very shy and he didn’t make the first move, but now we flirt a lot. I don’t know what to think because we met at his work, and he’s so much older than I am. What do you think about the situation? If he kisses me, what should I think? If he doesn’t make a move, what should I do? — Confused in Connecticut
A: My advice is to forget about it. If he kisses you, consider the consequences if your parents found out what’s been going on. It could cost this man his job. He may be very nice, but he is so much older and more experienced than you are that there could be criminal penalties and possibly jail time for him if he’s foolish enough to pursue you.
Write Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.