Q: I have been living with my boyfriend for 11 months. Things are mostly good, but there are a few things I need your advice on.
He still hasn’t introduced me to his grown daughter, and he stays in contact with his ex-wife. When he gets drunk, he texts her and tells her he loves her and wants to go back home to her, but when he’s sober, he insists he loves only me and wants us to spend our lives together.
Do you think he’s still in love with her, or does he really love me? I have talked to his friends. They say he loves me and not her because he wouldn’t be with me if he didn’t. — Loves Me, Loves Me Not
A: Do I think your boyfriend is still in love with his ex? Let me put it this way: He still has feelings for her, but whether they are strong enough that she’s a threat to your relationship I can’t be sure.
What does need addressing because you and he have been living together for nearly a year is why you haven’t met the daughter, and the fact that this man may have a drinking problem. Once you do, you’ll find the answers you’re looking for.
Q: Please encourage businesses to consider the benefits of hiring senior adults. They tend to be empty nesters and have skills that one can learn only from years of experience in the job market. Seniors are prompt, non-demanding and without a sense of self-entitlement. The baby boomer generation already knows the computer basics. They can be taught about software related to the job at hand, and they don’t have a tendency to “job hop.” Thanks for letting me have my say. — Believes in Senior Work Ethics
A: What you say about senior workers is true. They are hardworking, dedicated and motivated. However, it is up to each employer to decide what qualities they want and need while hiring, and I wouldn’t presume to suggest they discriminate against a younger job-seeker.
Q: My 9-year-old granddaughter was invited to a birthday party for a friend. The invitation said “cash and gift cards only, please.” My daughter bought a card for her daughter and said she would put $20 in it. I’m Scottish; when she told me, I fainted. Then she said she had two $10s and would discuss it with her hubby.
What is an acceptable amount in this case? I’m glad I’m old. I appreciate it if someone still thinks enough of me to send a card. — Scotsman in Nova Scotia
A: Pass the smelling salts my way, because I, too, was taken aback when I read that a guest had been instructed on what kind of gift to bring to a birthday party. How rude!
Ask your daughter how she arrived at the amount of money she’s considering sending as birthday loot. The suggestion on the invitation was only that — a suggestion. She should determine an amount that suits her budget. That’s the amount she should give.
TO MY JEWISH READERS: As the sun sets tonight, Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish new year, begins. As we begin this time of solemn introspection, let me wish you all, “L’shana tova tikatevu” — may you be inscribed in the Book of Life for a good year.
Write Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.