The ‘Bachelor’ recap: a black widow, wild horses and country music gone wrong

Chris and Becca by the fire on their date.
Chris and Becca by the fire on their date. ABC

ABC kicked this week’s episode of “The Bachelor” off with an extended ride on the Kelsey crazy train. (You know, the widow who loves “her story".)

Kelsey’s panic attack/best actress performance at the rose ceremony comes to a halt when she gets more time with Chris, who proceeds to send home Samantha and Mackenzie instead.

The girls then head to Deadwood, S.D., where the Western vibes are strong and the girls’ feelings for Chris are stronger.

“This is the perfect place to either fall in love or get shot in the back,” Chris says of Deadwood. If that’s not a tourist draw, we don’t know what is.

When the first date card arrives, Becca is the lucky recipient of the coveted one-on-one date, much to Kelsey’s dismay.

Chris takes Becca on a date that includes horseback riding, gun shooting and cooking over a cozy fire.

“This is the most easy, real date I’ve been on,” Chris says.

Becca, who has not revealed to Chris that she is a virgin, finally gets her first kiss with the bachelor.

“Chris makes me feel safe and he also gives me butterflies,” Becca says. “I’ve never felt like this before.”

Needless to say, Becca gets a rose and her dad gets an on-camera apology for all the kissing she and Chris do.

On the group date, country duo Big & Rich make an appearance to help the girls write and perform their own song for Chris.

Carly the cruise ship singer is thrilled, while Jade the secret Playboy model is less than excited.

Jade’s feelings continue to spiral downward when she sees Chris and Britt’s affection toward each other.

“It’s hard to write a love song about someone when he’s clearly into someone else,” Jade says.

Even though Carly killed all the competition with her performance, Britt gets the group date rose after she and Chris sneak off to enjoy a Big & Rich concert, where they’re brought on stage.

Awkward doesn’t even begin to describe the mood in the room when Britt and Chris return.

“I think we all feel like this is the Britt and Chris show,” Whitney says.

The girls are brought to tears after Chris abruptly leaves, sensing the tension in the room.

And if that date wasn’t awkward enough, Chris takes Ashley I., aka “Kardashley,” and Kelsey the “black widow” on a two-on-one date that includes enough tears to fill the Badlands.

Both girls throw considerable digs at each other, with Ashley’s statement that “I may be a virgin, but I’m sexy and she’s not,” topped by Kelsey’s somewhat truthful but still mean remark that Ashley “is a Kardashian that didn’t get her princess date and wears way too much makeup.”

Touchè, ladies.

Once Kelsey confronts Ashley I. about remarks she made to Chris, the tears start flowing and Chris has had enough.

“I feel like at this point in my life we’re in different places,” Chris tells Ashley. “I don’t think I could give you the lifestyle you want.”

Ashley’s crying turns ugly as she realizes she’s being sent home, and when Kelsey tries to console Chris, she also gets the boot.

“I just don’t know if it’s there between us,” Chris tells her.

Meanwhile, when Kelsey’s suitcase is removed from the girls’ hotel, squeals erupt and champagne bottles are popped.

“Let’s get drunk!” Kaitlyn says, and we can’t think of a more appropriate way to sum up the episode.