Stargazing

Milking goats and bro showering: Jimmy Kimmel takes over ‘The Bachelor’ for one unforgettable episode

Jimmy Kimmel introduced a new rule at “The Bachelor” mansion on Monday: Anyone who says “amazing” has to put a dollar in the swear jar.
Jimmy Kimmel introduced a new rule at “The Bachelor” mansion on Monday: Anyone who says “amazing” has to put a dollar in the swear jar. ABC

If there is a god in TV heaven – and we know there is ‘cause, uh, Honey Boo Boo – then Jimmy Kimmel will make frequent appearances on “The Bachelor” as he did Monday night.

ABC’s late-night funnyman played guest host for bachelor Chris Soules and the remaining 18 contestants and made what is largely cringe-worthy TV so much more entertaining.

So many funny one-liners. So little time spent on Soules and Kimmel soaping each other up in the shower.

When Kimmel rousts Soules from a sound sleep at 7 a.m. the morning after a rose ceremony the bachelor was, honestly, surprised when he blurts out, “what the f**k.”

“I'm deep in sleep, and suddenly I hear my name being called, over and over again. I finally muster the energy to open my eyes and Jimmy FREAKING Kimmel is standing there. I honestly thought I was still dreaming,” Soules blogged on People.com.

The women are equally shocked to see Kimmel walk into their house.

When Kimmel greets them with this – “Hello sister wives. How is everyone?” – you just know it’s going to be a fun ride.

“I’m going to help him make his decision by making love to each one of you,” he tells them. “Then I’m going to report back so I want everyone to give 110 percent.”

Then he brings out a huge glass jar and tells them that every time someone utters the over-used word, “amazing,” they have to put $1 in the swear jar.

(At the end of the show Kimmel takes all that cash stuffed in the jar to “get a body wax.”)

He winds up planning all the dates. First a date to Costco with Kaitlyn, who impresses Soules by handling the outing with “such class.”

(One question though: When Kaitlyn says “I’ve done weirder things” than sit in a hot tub full of ketchup, don’t you wonder what could be weirder than that?)

Kimmel interrupts their make-out session later by joining them for steaks on the patio and at one point suggesting a “threesome.” Guess we know who would win Kimmel’s rose.

On the next group outing Kimmel has planned a “hoedown throwdown” to put the women’s farm skills to the test. The women must shuck corn, gather eggs, crack those eggs into a pan without breaking them, milk goats, drink the goat milk and wrestle greased pigs.

Good job, ABC, for hitting all the farming stereotypes.

Carly wins the event and later proves that she’s worthy of that blue ribbon she won by taking the bull by the horns, so to speak, and instigating a make-out session with Soules.

“Chris is really a good kisser,” she gushes.

That becomes a running theme of a show in which Soules swaps spit with just about everyone but Kimmel.

He’s doling out kisses faster than a Pez dispenser with a thyroid problem. And when Mackenzie asks him about it all he can do is sputter a few words and clear his throat a few times. Awkward.

“Being called out by Mackenzie for kissing multiple women was definitely not a high point,” he later blogged. “I know I've maybe kissed more girls at this point than the average Bachelor, but I was taking things seriously, and isn't kissing a huge part of any romantic relationship?”

That’s a rhetorical question, right?

Becca, the one in the group who refuses to kiss him during a romantic moment at night on a rooftop, wins his respect and the group rose.

Soules and Whitney end up crashing a wedding on their one-on-one date. If that’s not enough of a hint to the final outcome of this journey then maybe you should stick with “Real Housewives.”

Soules won our favor by listening so intently to Juelia tell the story of her husband’s suicide. Such a sad story and such a genuine response on his part when he asks a producer to bring her a tissue.

Soules later wrote that he was sad to say good-bye to Tracy, Amber and Trina but was happy to have Kimmel around.

“We all had a really hard time keeping a straight face when he came in to announce the final rose of the evening,” Soules blogged. “Jimmy definitely made the week unforgettable. And amazing.”

We’ll second that.

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