Stargazing

What you missed if you didn’t watch Tuesday’s ‘Colbert Report’

Only two more nights of “The Colbert Report” remain before Stephen Colbert leaves to reinvent himself for CBS.
Only two more nights of “The Colbert Report” remain before Stephen Colbert leaves to reinvent himself for CBS. COMEDY CENTRAL

“2016 came early this year,” Stephen Colbert declared at the top of Tuesday night’s show, resolving to cover the next presidential race in the here and now after Jeb Bush’s announcement on Twitter that he was mulling a run. “I never thought I’d live to see this country elect its first third Bush president.”

Perhaps not coincidentally, enough Dewar’s scotch was paraded around during the show, in commercials and in the gray area between, to last Jeb’s first term. Tuesday night’s “Colbert Report” was a perfectly good one, but nothing in it approached the pageantry of last week’s appearance by Smaug the dragon.

▪  Colbert Platinum, Holiday Gift Edition

In a segment I don’t have enough money to write about and you don’t qualify to watch, businessman David H. Koch took some heat for slapping his name on everything like Donald Trump. “The H, of course, is for Humble.”

▪ “Did I just teach you economics?”

Former White House energy adviser Jason Bordoff swung by to talk about the plummeting price of oil and its overseas implications. Basically, Colbert concluded, increased energy production has made America a “bunch of rich-ass mother frackers.” For other countries, the news is not so good, leading to the obvious question: “Will Vladimir Putin not be elected Miss Russia next year?”

▪ Anna Kendrick + Sen. Lamar Alexander = Kendrick Lamar?

“No pressure,” Colbert told the erudite, convival rap star, “but you are the last Colbert Report musical guest.”

“Are you straight out of Compton?” Colbert asked his remarkably relaxed subject. “You didn’t have a layover in Des Moines or anything?

They chatted amiably about rap and the nature of storytelling, and Lamar obediently repeated “I just wanted to be true to myself” like a quarterback thanking Jesus.

Then Colbert proposed a way to market that famous Lamar lyric: First you get a swimming pool full of liquor, then you dive in it.

“Have you thought about selling that to our good friends at Dewar’s? Just add the word RESPONSIBLY!! at the end.”

Follow Sara Smith on Twitter: @SarawatchesKC

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