SUNDAY: Hmmmm. The ratings for the Grammys are up, despite Beyoncé losing to Adele, sound issues for Metallica, and Bruno Mars’ mediocre recitation of Prince songs. Or maybe that’s exactly why the ratings are up.
MONDAY: Huzzah! ABC announces Texas attorney Rachel Lindsay will be the first African-American “Bachelorette.” Is this fantastic sign of social progress enough for us to start liking this skeeziest of TV shows? Mmmm, probably not.
TUESDAY: Horrors! Reports surface that Harrison Ford landed his single-engine plane on a taxiway instead of a runway in Orange County, passing over an American Airlines jet. Laugh it up, fuzzball.
WEDNESDAY: Horrors! Creator Ryan Murphy says next season’s “American Horror Story” will be based on the 2016 election, also known as the Campaign That Will Never Die.
THURSDAY: Hmmmm! Not sure what’s more shocking: The news that Mel Gibson might direct a “Suicide Squad” sequel or that there’s going to be a “Suicide Squad” sequel.
FRIDAY: Hmmmm! The movies this weekend are meager, but we’ll still see “Fist Fight” because Ice Cube and Charlie Day can do no wrong.