It gives us great joy that Team Perfect is showing stress fractures this season.
That’s right, the Seattle Seahawks, last season’s darlings of the NFL, roll into Arrowhead Stadium on Sunday with the same record as the Chiefs: 6-3. Their aura of invincibility has been punctured this season, and one by one, some of the most key pieces of their winning mix from 2013 have either defected to other teams or succumbed to season-ending injuries.
Heck, they’re not even the best team in their own division anymore. That honor belongs to the Chiefs’ Dec. 7 opponent, the Arizona Cardinals.
So do we feel sorry for the reigning Super Bowl champs? Hardly. In fact, seeing them squirm is downright awesome.
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Here are five reasons why.
1. Mr. Goody Two Shoes
Oh look, it’s Russell Wilson helping little old ladies across the street! Now he’s donating his organs to orphaned Ebola babies in Rwanda! This guy’s so saintly he can walk atop the waters of Puget Sound! Give us a break already.
2. The smarmy head coach
Be honest, Seahawks fans. Not even you buy the snake oil that your head coach, Pete Carroll, is peddling, right? This guy is a known cheater who skipped out of LA when the fire got too hot at Southern Cal. Just looking at him makes us want to bathe in Purell.
3. Ripoff specialty java drinks
Starbucks might not be the devil, but it’s a close neighbor. Thanks, Howard Schultz, for pioneering the popularity of $5 coffee. May the Football Gods rain Folgers down on your private swimming pool.
4. Loudmouth Richard Sherman
Suffice to say we hope Travis Kelce wipes that smug smirk off No. 25’s face.
5. Fake stadium noise record
Back and forth goes the “loudest stadium” tug-of-war, with that odd little British chap from Guinness only too happy to officiate. Let’s set the matter straight right here, right now: KC is and always will be the loudest venue in the NFL, and we didn’t need a specially designed stadium to produce our noise. So put a cork in it, Seattle.