Don't Kill The Mellinger

Columnist Sam Mellinger's thoughts on sports and other important stuff

The Totally Official DKTM 2013 Chiefs Over-Under Challenge

08/29/2013 5:57 PM

08/29/2013 5:57 PM

The Chiefs play what should be — if things go well — an uneventful conclusion to their preseason tonight and, so far, they haven’t shown you anything to make you change what you thought of them a month ago.

See what I did there?

I don’t know what you thought of the Chiefs a month ago, but I do know that if you thought they’d be a 10-win team and compete for the playoffs — this year’s representative in the NFL’s annual worst-to-first story — you saw the 1s outplay Pittsburgh’s 1s^ last week, Dontari Poe’s potential, receivers catch 17 passes against the Steelers, and Alex Smith throw crazy accurate passes the likes of which we haven’t seen in Kansas City since Trent Green, at least^^.

^ Pittsburgh’s touchdown came only with gifted field position after the Chiefs went for it on 4th and 1 from their own 21 — something they would NEVER do in a real game. Also, Tamba Hali was an inch from sacking Roethlisberger on the play.

^^ Hopefully that’s the longest sentence I type in a while. Oof. Apologies.

I also know that if you thought this would be a four- or five-win team — still a major improvement from last year’s dumpster fire — then

one promising drive before halftime

doesn’t squash your worries about the offense, you’ve seen too many struggles for the offensive line, and you’re not counting on a return touchdown every week.

And, if you’re like me and think they’re somewhere in the middle — I’ll probably do this again next week, but before training camp

I had them at 7-9

— then you probably saw all of that and think it’ll sort of even out.

Anyway, enough with the throat-clearing. We’re all here for

The Totally Official 2013 Chiefs Over-Under Challenge. If you’ve done the Royals challenge

with us, it’s the same format. Big thanks to the wonderful reader Grant who built a website to handle as many of you maniacs who want to do this.

You just have to login with a Facebook or Google account. If you don’t have either, they’re both free and the Google account is especially easy to set up.

The rules are roughly the same as always, so quick review:

--At least for our purposes, over and under is literal. So with the defense rank (13.5), "over" means 14th or worse and "under" means 13th or better.

--The attendance will be used as the tiebreaker, if needed, and this isn’t Price Is Right, so you can go over. Closest wins.

--All disputes (even my own mistakes) will be settled by me. Good thing is, I’m not an a-hole. Not usually, anyway.

--Deadline for entries is set at noon on Sept. 8, so kickoff of the opener in Jacksonville.

--Winner gets a gift card to Oklahoma Joe’s or, if they are communist, a different restaurant of their choice.

The numbers, picked with the help of

Danny Parkins

, go like this:

--Justin Houston sacks: 12 ½

--Tamba Hali Sacks: 8 ½

--Defense turnovers + TDs: 23 ½

--Alex Smith passer rating: 90

--Jamaal Charles touches: 280

--Jamaal Charles yards per carry: 5.3

--Dwayne Bowe catches: 65

--Total sacks: 34 ½

--Defense rank, by total yards: 13 ½

--Offense rank, by total yards: 16 ½

--Wins: 7 ½

--Special teams return touchdowns: 1 ½

--Chase Daniel starts: 1 ½

--Pro Bowlers: 3 ½

--Celebration penalties on touchdowns that didn’t count: ½

--Ryan Succup missed field goals: 5 ½

--Dontari Poe tackles: 35

--Eric Berry sacks + interceptions: 4 ½

--A.J. Jenkins receptions: 10

--Wins against AFC West opponents: 2 ½

--Tiebreaker: closest guess to the total season attendance (last year was 548,070)

Again,

here’s the website. Thanks for playing.

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