Bagging on the Raiders is like shooting fish in a barrel. Way too easy.
Let’s start with some simple statistics. (Don’t worry, Raiders Fan — this won’t involve math.) Oakland has lost 17 straight games. The team is 0-10 so far this season. The Raiders haven’t had a winning season since 2002.
See? Too easy.
Remember back when they won the Super Bowl in 1983? Tom Flores was their head coach. Jim Plunkett their quarterback. Howie Long, before he became a makeup-wearing talking head on TV, was their fiercest defender.
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Now? Potted cacti have more commitment to excellence than this sorry franchise.
(Editor’s note: If you don’t have a sense of humor, STOP READING NOW. Or, for you Raiders fans, stop the person who’s been nice enough to read this to you.)
1. The Old Man
Before Cowboys owner Jerry Jones was hatched on whatever cold and clammy planet he’s from, there was Al Davis. The prototypical meddlesome executive passed to that great Brylcreem factory in the sky in 2011, but his legacy lives on in every game the Raiders lose.
2. The old stadium
Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum, Oakland Coliseum, O.co Coliseum ... a dump by any other name still smells every bit as putrid.
3. The Black hole
Here’s how you know that all those Halloween-costumed freaks are straight-up deranged: They honest-to-God root for the Raiders.
4. Chris Berman
The only thing worse than Boomer barking “Back back back back ...” at the Home Run Derby is hearing him growl“Tha Raaidahhs.”
5. JaMarcus Russell
Studs picked after this stiff in the first round of the 2007 NFL Draft include Calvin Johnson, Marshawn Lynch and Darrelle Revis. For as long as the Silver and Black exist, they will never, ever, ever live down their decision to select Russell.