Great news, America: Chelsea Clinton is writing a book! In September, Penguin Random House will publish “It’s Your World: Get Informed, Get Inspired & Get Going!” The book, according to its enthusiastic press release, “will address some of the world’s most challenging issues including Poverty, Homelessness, Food Insecurity, Access to Education, Gender Equality, Epidemics, Non-Communicable Diseases, Climate Change, and Endangered Species.”
Whew! That is a long, important and ponderous list. It is so long, important and ponderous that the excited intern who typed up that press release apparently forgot the basic writing rule that you don’t need to capitalize Broad, General Terms such as “food insecurity” and “non-communicable diseases.” When you do, you see, it makes those terms look Slightly Farcical, not More Important.
Regardless, let’s move on to this sure-to-be monumental book, written by a noted expert on absolutely everything — and by “expert on absolutely everything,” I mean “expert on making $600,000 a year for doing pretty much nothing at all.”
Anticipating the frenzied, clawing-at-the-bookstore-doors reception “It’s Your World” will undoubtedly inspire (or, as in the case of “Hard Choices,” her mother’s book, a subdued, mildly depressed chorus of crickets), Chelsea also wrote a helpful “open letter” to her fans. This open letter, available on the publisher’s website, includes the following line: “We have a saying in my family — it’s always better to get caught trying (rather than not try at all).”
Full disclosure: When I first read that sentence, I laughed out loud. Next, I read it two more times, just to make sure it was not some glorious figment of my imagination. “Get caught trying”? Who makes this the family motto?
If you “get caught” doing something, it implies that you are doing something secretive, underhanded or out-and-out bad. What kind of family, outside of the Corleone crime syndicate, instinctively associates “trying” with doing something surreptitious, or an action where one can get “caught”? Moreover, is there any one-liner in the history of the world — with the exception, of course, of “It depends what the meaning of ‘is’ is” — that better sums up the Clinton ethos?
Each and every week, Americans get a bigger glimpse at the mysterious layers, shady connections and apparent payoffs that power the Clinton family business — a slow drip of “getting caught trying,” if you will — and, amazingly, most people seem not to care.
A week ago, a passionate Hillary Clinton lambasted efforts to end the Export-Import Bank, which many Republicans have criticized as corporate welfare. The bank, Clinton declared, is “a vital lifeline for American small businesses.” But as Lachlan Markay of the Washington Free Beacon reported, it’s also the darndest thing: Many of the largest contributors to the Clinton Foundation, including “small businesses” such as Boeing, General Electric and Emirates Airlines, are beneficiaries of generous Ex-Im subsidies.
These days, of course, it’s getting hard to find anyone who hasn’t donated to the Clinton Foundation. From former Clinton lackey, current ABC News anchor, and “neutral” news personality George Stephanopoulos to FIFA, soccer’s international governing body.
One could go on, noting that Chelsea’s future publisher also donated to the Clinton Foundation in 2007, but you probably saw that one coming. With truckloads of cronyism on national parade, paired with a growing pile of shady and mysterious payoffs — not to mention a rash of deleted emails and a newly discovered, undisclosed shell corporation — how could anyone in America take Hillary Clinton seriously as an uncorrupted presidential candidate?
But that question, of course, misses the point: After all, very few Hillary fans are Hillary fans because they see her, first and foremost, as “uncorrupted.” Many hard-core Clintonites are just fine with growing, interconnected, technocratic, managerial government and the quiet crony capitalism that naturally accompanies it.
Who knows? Perhaps, in coming weeks, a Clinton scandal will emerge to top all Clinton scandals, effectively knocking Hillary out of the nomination. In the meantime, perhaps we should all sit back, relax, and try to enjoy “The Clinton Show.”