Midwest Voices

March 24, 2014

A conversation between God and Fred Phelps

I know you couldn’t love perfectly like I can, Fred. Again, I’m God. But you could have done it as well as humanly possible. But baby you failed. Hard.

God: Welcome home, Fred.

FP: My God! Is that you? Uh wait Are you a lady or ? Okay. What’s happening? I’m confused.

God: I am all things.

FP: But I thought I was created in your image.

God: And so you are. As are all my beloveds you so reviled for being gay or Jewish or a military servant or anything else you didn’t like when you walked beneath my clouds.

FP: But they all did things that clearly went against your word!

God: Did they, son? Or did they do things that were against the way you chose to speak my word for me?

FP: But I thought

God: Yes, I know. I’m God. I know what you thought. You thought you knew me chapter and verse. You thought you had it absolutely right. But you never stopped to wonder if maybe you had it “so right” because you’d inadvertently made me like you instead of the other way around, Fred.

It’s a common problem with some of you who claim to know me better than I know me.

You’re not the first to make that mistake. And, sadly no matter how many times I point out examples of human hubris and say, “Stop doing that!” you won’t be the last.

You know you could have avoided this old-as-earth mistake with one simple test: You could have asked yourself, “Have I done harm in body or spirit to another of God’s children? Or, have I done the ONE thing God asks of me? Have I done the hard work of real love – even when I do not understand? Have I practiced love especially towards the people I hate, fear or harbor anger against for not doing as I would have them do or not being as I would have them be?”

I know you couldn’t love perfectly like I can. Again, I’m God. But you could have done it as well as humanly possible, Fred. But baby you failed. Hard.

FP: So if I got so much so wrong why am I here and not in the other place?

God: Because the Devil don’t want you! He’s got a billion more just like you in his sock drawer. But I do want you.

FP: Your infinite love?

God: Um sure. That. Plus I need to make sure you do something for eternity that you couldn’t seem to get right for 24 hours in a row down there: You need to understand the value of e-ver-y human being to me and then, ultimately, to yourself.

I want you to understand both the purity of love and the folly of judgment. I need you to understand the power of acceptance and the potency of the peace that comes along with that.

Because when you can do that, Fred when you can love as I have asked you to love, when you can let go of the dizzying narcotic of judgment, the intoxicating rush of self-righteous anger and the foolishness of fear then you will know peace beyond all understanding.

Because you see, Fred, that feels like heaven.

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