I’m so over it. Yes, I know a mere two months ago I was experiencing deep and profound feelings for winter, but now I’m ready to break up.
Talk about a season that has let me down. I feel like I’ve been cheated on. No, it’s worse than that. I’ve been lied to. It’s as if winter had a dating profile and said it was beautiful to look at and its hobbies included snuggling and long walks with mittens in the park.
Ugh. None of this is true because this winter has been devoid of anything representing a picturesque snow-covered vista where the trees looked like they’ve been swirled in white chocolate and your yard resembles being sprayed with a giant can of Reddi-wip. What we’ve gotten in Kansas City is a winter that’s bitter and prone to fits of rage.
I’m not one to complain about cold weather. I’m all for a solid winter. The first couple of hard freezes got me excited. I was like “Take that oak mites!” And I loved throwing extra blankets on the bed and settling in for binge watching “The Crown.”
I even adore snow, but what we’ve gotten so far has been snow’s lame cousin. It’s like the snow showed up for work, but only wants to do the bare minimum by creating some road havoc and then just lying around looking surly. The snow hasn’t embraced making the city cozy. It’s totally been phoning it in.
To date we haven’t even had a decent snow day where I can stay in my pajamas all day and whip up some homemade cinnamon rolls. As for making a snowman, forget about it. Any snow we’ve had has been unsuitable for artistic expression.
And these sub zero frigid temperatures — well now that’s just showing off. We get it. Winter is back in Kansas City. But, no one likes a season that mistakes dreary, sun-challenged weather for climate swagger.
For the first time in my life I think I’m suffering from SAD: seasonal affective disorder. It feels like we’ve barely had any sunshine. I have my entire family on vitamin D because I’m positive my Texas born children and husband are suffering from sunshine withdrawal.
Then there’s all the little indignities that are starting to grate on me, like always having a dirty car. I’m not very graceful, and lumber to my car, so by the time I get to work it looks like I’ve rolled in road salt. (And yet for some reason I own a white wool coat. I guess hope springs eternal.)
To delve deeper into the coat issue I’m also sick of always having to wear one. First, you have the whole sleeve issue. If you just put your coat on without firmly grasping your sweater sleeve you feel like a T-Rex because your arm mobility has suddenly been compromised by about 50 percent. And then as you slide into your car if you don’t sit on your coat just right you’re getting a major case of claustrophobia because your outerwear is holding you hostage.
The winter I long for is a cold, but sun kissed with bright blue skies and temperatures that don’t stray too often into the teens. And when it does snow it’s fluffy with just enough moisture so you can craft a snowman. The snow is also well behaved and falls with enough vigor that school is canceled for the day, but has the good manners to melt before it gets dirty.
We haven’t seen that winter. I don’t know where it went, but as far as I’m concerned I’m ready to be wooed by spring.