My plan: To leave a message on your answering machine,
Declining invitation to avert an ugly scene.
In leaving you a message and not talking live to you,
Never miss a local story.
I’m avoiding all the arguments that likely would ensue.
The beauty of the phone machine: It gives me full control
To say just what I want to say (and isn’t that the goal?)
But when I call — oh, heavens, how my plans have gone askew —
’Cause in place of your recording what I got instead was you!