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It’s Christmas in May with stimulus checks
By MIKE HENDRICKSThe Kansas City Star
According to this widely held theory, Americans are so concerned about where things are heading that instead of spending the economy into health with our stimulus checks, we’ll sock away the one-time government payments into savings. Or we’ll use the windfall to pay down debt, which wouldn’t provide the spark Washington was hoping for.
However, some experts also claim the Chiefs were geniuses to get rid of Jared Allen. So it’s not always wise to put a lot of stock in the predictions of experts.
All I know is that Americans could use a bit more jingle in their pockets right now. And at our house, it’s been like Christmas all week.
Only instead of Santa, it’s Uncle Sam we’re waiting to see come sliding down the chimney.
“Oh, Daddy,” one of the children said upon learning of our good fortune. (I believe it was Tim, the sickly child, who is always of good cheer, or so says Mrs. Cratchit.) “Can we fill up the whole, entire gas tank now? To the very top? Daddy, can we?”
We’ve been so dreading to find out what 35 gallons of unleaded would set us back that my wife and I haven’t seen the red needle near F on the gas gauge since last summer.
But now, thanks to election-year pandering from President Bush and the Democratic Congress, our little clan is going to let it all hang out.
Gasoline! Fresh fruit! We might even head over to Sam’s Club and buy our four-bag limit of rice.
As I understand it, we’re getting $1,500. That’s $600 for me, $600 for her, and $300 for the urchin and — oops.
Sorry, college boy. Should have made more money last year. If you’d only cleared three grand, you’d have been raking in 300 big ones, too.
Likewise, I feel terrible for the folks who made too much money last year to qualify. In addition to the Rockefellers, that would include anyone with an individual income over $75,000, or a family income over 150 grand.
Hey, but look on the bright side. Now we have verifiable proof of John Edwards’ contention that there are two Americas.
One America where 130 million of us are being stimulated with money from the government.
And one whose residents have to find other means of stimulation, because they make too much or too little to get a check.
But if it makes those in the latter camp feel any better, my wife and I plan on doing our patriotic duty when the cash comes in. We’re going to blow every dime of it.
Savings? Paying off the credit card? Pfft. Isn’t it enough that we never fell for one of those subprime mortgages?
No, first on the list will be to replace the broken dishwasher. And one of the cats needs a tooth pulled.
Then there’s that recliner that fell into a heap a few years back. We’d sort of like to fill the space it used to occupy in the living room.
Except the carpet needs cleaning first. And the list goes on and on, which should be familiar to anyone squeezed by the rising cost of living. In fact, I don’t know of a single family in the about-to-be-stimulated part of America that doesn’t have a list just like the one my wife and I have.
Appliances that need to be replaced. Ratty furniture that would look better on the curb. Repairs that have been put off because the costs of food and energy are sucking the family budget dry.
Thus my message to all the out-of-touch economists and clueless commentators who worry that average Americans will undermine the intent of this timely bribe from our political leaders.
Not to worry.
Most of us couldn’t afford to be prudent with this gift from Washington if we wanted to be.
Come on, Uncle Sam. Stimulate me all you want.