Your YouTube degree is in what?

12/21/2011 5:00 AM

05/16/2014 5:57 PM

Business jargon can be a killer.

Credits, debits and all that other big banker talk.

Debentures, leveraged buyouts — it’s the language of Wall Street.

Business buzzwords come and go. Indeed, it seems we’ve now progressed to a whole new way of speaking about business and money.

Admit it, you were clueless when your 18-year-old announced he was taking a “conference call of duty.” Or when your newly employed daughter pulled a “cough and call.”

Here are a few more gems that could stump you. The definitions are courtesy of the website Urban Dictionary, whose motto is “We’ve got all the words and acronyms you won’t find in Oxford or Webster’s.”

• Econnoisseur. “One who insists on the highest quality at the lowest price.”

For example: Being an econnoisseur, I bought the $10 Chilean wine instead of the $50 French.

• Recyclopath. “A person who militantly engages in recycling and is so hostile to simply throwing away garbage, it borders on mental illness.”

For example: Did you see Steve sifting through the garbage to pull out the plastic cap on the orange juice container? What a recyclopath!

• Data encraption. “The process which occurs when a computer or other electronic device corrupts files.”

For example: Our server at work got hit and now none of my files will open thanks to data encraption.

• Youtube degree. “A bachelor’s level certificate that people award to themselves after they have deemed themselves to be experts in a particular field of study by watching various instructional and how-to videos on Youtube.”

For example: I got my Youtube degree in cologne management.

• Job creator. “A euphemism for rich person.”

For example: Wow, look at that job creator driving his Aston Martin to get onto his private jet so he can go to his private island!

• Banker’s dozen. “The opposite of a baker’s dozen.”

For example: In a banker’s dozen, the customer receives 11 of the product for the price of 12.

• Corporation. “An entity that remains free to continue to do as it pleases after being convicted of criminal activity that would have been a capital offense if an individual had committed it.”

For example: Corporations have more rights than people do.

• Ring rage. “That feeling you get when your iPhone rings from someone actually calling you.”

For example: Joe’s ring rage is out of control when his iPhone rings while he is updating his Facebook page.

• And just in time for the holiday bill-paying season: Spending amnesia. “Trying to recall where and when you spent all your money.”

For example: I’m so bad with money! It just disappears. I might have spending amnesia.

Now, you’re primed to talk business smack with your kids. And if they slip the “conference call of duty” line on you, know that it refers to taking a conference call from home while playing the Call of Duty action game, according to Urban Dictionary.

As for a “cough and call,” that should be obvious. It’s code for calling in sick for work. I dare you to try that line on your boss.

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