STEVE IN MIDTOWN
10/07/2005 12:00 AM
05/16/2014 4:56 PM
BIO: I've been in Kansas City for eight years, and for the past four I've been single. I'm a divorcee (no kids) with a master's degree in business and accounting and a job at a bit wireless corporation. In my spare time I play guitar, and my favorite TV shows include "Chappelle's Show" and "Curb Your Enthusiasm." My dating experiences have generally been good. I try to enjoy the ride. E-MAIL: email@example.com
"The beatings will continue until morale improves!"
One of my favorite sayings that applies nicely to dating.
After being at this for awhile, I've gotten to the point of saying, "ah, screw this" and think that maybe a life of hot rods, guitars & big dogs isn't so bad after all.
The problem behind all the dating action is that most of it is spent trying to make something happen. Seems like most people meet by pure chance. I met my ex through a complete fluke.
A good friend who I hadn't talked to in years calls up, "my girlfriend has someone you should meet!" He's a little guy who had liked his women real "squeezy."
I'm not into squeezy and said "No thanks, too much good TV on tonight!" Thought that was it. He kept calling back until I gave in.
Since my expectations were so low, when we did meet, I was surprised that she was a good looking, somewhat nerdy blond. Her story was similar. She didn't want to go either because she thought I'd be a little guy.
And that was that. 10 years -- well, nine and a half years -- of happily ever after.
That was 4 years ago.
So I'm back to thinking about just waiting for the next fluke. It happened once, maybe it'll happen again?
I may have gotten my one shot and that's that. Who knows?
That's the tough part and why I'll probably continue cycling through these seemingly endless beatings,
I mean, dates.
Dante Hall may be the X factor for the Chiefs, but the X factor in dating is definitely the "Ex."
Some of my divorced friends who got dumped, like I did, have had their exes come back after years and proclaim their sorrow & say things like,
"...I never should have left!"
"I made a mistake!!"
And then they'll imply maybe we should talk.
But I never thought that would happen to me.
It did, and it sucked.
My ex made it very clear that I should take a hike, so I spent years taking apart and mentally boxing up a big chunk of my life only to have the lid blown off.
I hadn't heard from her in years and after the initial shock of her contacting me through email, I sat on it for awhile not knowing if I even wanted to respond. Eventually, I did.
For about a week there were daily emails. We caught up. It was weird and it quickly fizzled. Her responses where taking longer & longer. After several weeks of this, I called her bluff & said, "What's this about?"
The tone suddenly changed. It went from warm and fuzzy to cold and prickly. From the wife I knew to the "new & improved" ex-wife that I didn't.
"I have a 'man in my life!'"
"Get over it!"
"Move on!" became the line.
Sure enough, this is a typical phenomon according to my divorced friends
1. Ex gets dumped hard by new paramour, the greener grass just got mowed
2. Ex gets taste of own medicine and doesn't like it
3. Ex feels guilty
4. Ex contacts former spouse and apologizes apologies
5. Ex strings former spouse along until ...
6. Ex gets back with new paramour then...
7. Ex re-dumps former spouse.
There you go, full circle. Neat.
So I've learned my lesson again, that you can never go back home, and I stuffed everything back in the box.
This time, it's got a dead-bolt.
Made a fatal dating mistake. When I was first back in the dating scene, I went out with girls from work. Why? They were pretty, professional, close. Great.
Quickly learned that that was bad. When things went off the tracks, seeing them was terribly awkward, especially if I had to be in meetings with them, so I hadn't done that in years. That is, until the past few weeks.
We had been set up through a friend and began seeing each other casually. She was in the same building and same floor. Against my better judgement, I went with it. We made each other laugh and were comfortable, but there were no sparks, that is, until Saturday night when there was a fireball followed by a complete meltdown.
We had dinner and some drinks afterwards. I figured that was that. Seemed like a nice evening. She hadn't invited to her place yet and I wasn't going to invite myself, but something seemed different tonight. She was flirtatious and touchy. This was new and I liked it, but wasn't sure what to think.
Anyhow, at the end of the evening, I go to drop her off and she invites me in. So I figured why not. Big mistake.
One thing leads to another and the chemistry that hadn't existed before suddenly shows up. We'd talked some about our exes, but not much, but she started asking more about my ex as things progressed. I tried to be as general because it's no fun being compared to someone else.
As things really got going, she asked about my ex's breast size. That surprised me, and I said something about her being buxom or something I thought was innocuous.
With that, she rolled over and started crying. Boom. Just like that. A run-away train went right off a cliff. She talked about a "body image" thing and apologized.
After a while, I asked if I should go. She said she thought that would be a good idea. I got dressed and left and was completely dejected. Something I didn't even want to happen, happened.
Not only is this friendship wrecked, I have to see her at work everyday.
Maybe I'll become a monk.
Another exciting night on the dating scene. Met some buddies at Fuel for drinks and who knew what else. Wound up meeting a racy dark-haired attorney. One of my buddies and the attorney's friend hit it off. When the bar closed, they invited us back to their place for drinks. Thought about it and decided, it's 2 a.m., why not. I already was looking at a 45-minute drive home anyhow. We all met at the attorney's house, had some drinks and laughs, but by 3:30AM I was tired and decided to head out. Got the attorney's number.
Called the attorney and left a voicemail. At least it was actually her number.
Been a few days & haven't heard anything from the attorney. Probably waited too long to call back. Who knows? Then again, her friend said the attorney's previous boyfriend had bad teeth. I always thought teeth were a big deal for women so he must have had some another big attribute that made up for it.
Did a "speed dating" thing and met some interesting women. One in particular was a European girl with big brown eyes who worked for IHOP. Or as she would pronounce it, "I-HOOP". Usually I pick 3 to 5 girls and 1 to 3 pick me, we e-mail a few times and nothing else happens. Hopefully Ms. I-HOOP will respond so I can learn the secrets behind those fantastic pancakes.
Join the Discussion
The Kansas City Star is pleased to provide this opportunity to share information, experiences and observations about what's in the news. Some of the comments may be reprinted elsewhere on the site or in the newspaper. We encourage lively, open debate on the issues of the day, and ask that you refrain from profanity, hate speech, personal comments and remarks that are off point. Thank you for taking the time to offer your thoughts.