Carolyn Bordner; `I would go out with him again'
03/16/2007 10:07 AM
05/16/2014 4:56 PM
Note: This story originally appeared Sunday, December 4, 2005
Bio: Bordner, 23, is a social worker just out of college who lives in Brookside.
Challenge: No more jerks. She's a caring woman looking for a guy outside the bar scene who won't take advantage of her.
Advice: Coach George Turner suggested she prepare herself for dating just as she would for a road trip.
"What's the baggage you're carrying?" he asked. "If you don't know if you have a full tank of gas, if your tires are inflated ... it's going to be really hard."
Turns out Bordner has been comparing every new guy to the memory of a great, departed college boyfriend.
"If you're throwing out everything that doesn't look or smell or taste like him," Turner said, "you're getting rid of a lot of stuff that you could be catching."
Assignments: Screen dates better: Jot down what qualities are important and separate them into must-haves and "would-be-nice-ifs." And spend time in her "discomfort" zone. Bordner doesn't like dating - "I like the comfort of a relationship," she said. So dating is exactly what she needs to do to challenge herself.
What happened: To speed up finding suitable suitors, we set up Bordner with three guys who seemed kind, smart and ambitious, a few of her "must-haves." (See video from each date on KansasCity.com.)
For the first date, Bordner ice skated with self-professed hockey amateur Dan Lorenz. She was impressed by his intellect but disappointed he didn't show off his moves on the ice. The verdict? "You don't meet someone every day that you can have a conversation (with) about intelligent things like books, so, yeah, I would go out with him again."
Next was a trip to the zoo with Derek Smith. Despite the cloudy sky and cold weather, the two had only positive things to say about their time together. In fact, they continued the date at the movies. "It was easygoing, just laughing and having fun," Bordner said. "I didn't feel pressure or nervous or uncomfortable."
Bordner's final date was with Scott Keith at the Africa exhibit in Union Station - which turned out to be only a so-so place for a first date. "It was really interactive," Bordner said. "We were really quiet the whole time, just reading."
What's next: Bordner and Smith have seen each other at least three times since their first date. She also saw Lorenz again.
"I don't know how it's going to go, but I want to take things slow and hang out with people and get to know the guys and see what happens," Bordner says. The guys she's referring to are Lorenz and Smith.
She decided she was not interested in a future with Keith, and she told him so, which is a step forward from Bordner's original challenge of not being able to cut things off first.
After the first story ran, Bordner received e-mails from interested guys, and she has been responding to see if there's a connection.
So, is she going to take Turner's advice and play the field before settling into a relationship?
"I'm leaving my options open."
- Andrea Lorenz
Bachelor No. 1: Dan Lorenz, 28, is a transplant from Chicago who works as an athletic trainer for the Kansas City Chiefs.
Bachelor No. 2: Derek Smith, 24, a recent graduate in bio-electrical and computer engineering from the University of Colorado, works at Cerner.
Bachelor No. 3: Scott Keith, 30, is a case manager from Pittsburg, Kan. He recently joined a church and hopes he might meet a like-minded woman there.