All About Anastacia
10/07/2005 12:00 AM
05/16/2014 4:56 PM
I have been single since June, but that was a short-lived relationship, six months to be exact. I've never been married. I have lived in Kansas City for seven years and have found dating to be a bit challenging, but I know there is someone fabulous here...I just have to find him!E-MAIL: firstname.lastname@example.org
We are fast approaching what I like to call the "Holiday Holding Pattern" in dating. It is right about now that singles are reluctant to get in a relationship due to the upcoming holidays. I am one of them.
It's just awkward trying to figure out of you are supposed to ask the one you are dating to your company Christmas party, buy him a Christmas gift and make New Year's Eve plans. The holidays are stressful enough wihtout adding a new relationship in the mix.
I started a relationship last December and it was too good to be true from the beginning - and I knew it - and I let it happen anyway. I somehow made it through the holidays and Valentine's Day. Then it went downhill fast. We were so over by the 4th of July. I most definitely should have stuck to the "Holiday Holding Pattern." There is always this year.
Bottom line: If the holidays make you wish you were in a relationship, buy yourself a new sweater, get a manicure and rent the movies, "Living Out Loud" and "The First Wives Club." You'll realize you are in an OK place.
I experienced something in the dating world last week that I did not like. A man actually tried to "bully" me into going on a date with him. I thought this kind of thing only happened in grade school.
Remember the days when a boy chased you on the playground, threw snowballs in your face or snapped your bra? When you are 10 or 12 years old it usually meant he had a crush on you.
I am 32 and am not interested in affection of that sort. Like I said in my first entry, I like a good sense of humor. I can dish it and can take it too, but there is a difference between bullying and teasing. Insulting me and trying to make me feel stupid doesn't make me hot for you, I promise. I saw right through his tactics and I was embarrased for him.
Bottom line: I am rubber and you are glue - act like a jerk and I am through.
My friends describe me to me as independent, loyal and witty, which I consider compliments.
They are also quick to point out that being independent might be intimidating to some men.
I don't think all men want a "damsel in distress" or a hunk of Play-Doh that they can put through the
Play-Doh Fun Factory to create their ideal woman, but I have to wonder if men my age are hesitant to date a really independent woman.
I am not afraid to air up my own tires but that doesn't mean I don't still appreciate a man
opening the door for me or making a dinner reservation.
I like a confident, capable man, and I sincerely hope that there are men that would like those
qualities in me.
I have a feeling that older men are more open to strong,
independent women because they too are established and are not threatened by
anything I bring to the table.
I know that in the early 1900s gender roles were clear (even in dating) but
today they are fuzzy. I think men and women should just truly get to know
the one they are dating and forget the "who wears the pants" crap that was
popular decades ago.
Bottom line: Independent women need love too.
When it comes to the phenomenon called dating, I can't change it or influence it world-wide, nation-wide or state-wide, but I can plead with those who read this blog city-wide: Stop the game-playing!
Yes, game-playing in dating happens everywhere, but if we in the Greater Kansas City area unite and become more conscientious daters, it can only lead to better dates, promising relationships and happier KC singles, right?
If dating singles all followed a few simple guidelines maybe Kansas City wouldn't be ranked one of the worst places to live for singles:
1. Be honest. But not too honest on the first date. The first date is not the time to re-hash every bad relationship you have experienced.
2. Go on at least three dates to get to know the other person. Both should ask questions about hobbies, family, etc. and listen to the answers.
3. If and when you feel the person you are dating is not the one for you, do not lead him/her on, but instead let him/her go so that you are both free to date others.
4. Don't drunk dial. Enough said.
Bottom line: When it comes to dating, I always say, Be classy, not crazy.
Recently I met a man (we'll call him Nick - but that is not his real name) for drinks after work. I was set up by an acquaintance.
I note this because my friends who know me well have not set me up with a love connection. So I figured maybe someone who doesn't know me well would do a better job. What I learned from this is that just because a woman is friends with a man does not mean she knows what he will be like on a date. (Keep this in mind for future set-ups, my single friends.)
Although "Nick" did most of the talking, he rarely made eye contact...that drives me crazy! He talked about his ex-wives for an hour, but I think he just wanted to put his situation out there - and you have to respect that - so I listened.
When he was finished he said, " Enough about me, what about you?" I asked him what he wanted to know because there is no sense in starting with, "I took ballet lessons when I was three years old" if what he really wants to know is, "so are we going out again or what." I expected him to ask me about my job, hobbies or family. Instead he asked me how I rated our date and on a scale how I rated him. I told him I don't do scales.
"Nick" told me that he has gone on two "dates" with his most recent ex and that he still loved her and she still loved him, but that it just couldn't be.
I get that, I really do, but that tells me he is really not ready for the dating world quite yet, but then, who really is? He also informed me that he had a date set in 2018 with the friend that set us up. I was not sure what to do with that information.
Bottom line: If you aren't ready for dating, you probably shouldn't date.
Let me introduce myself.
I am a 33 year old white female who has never been married (5'9", blonde hair, blue eyes) and am looking for a motivated, sensible man who makes me laugh.
That shouldn't be too hard to find, right?
Well, then please direct me to where these men are located and available in the Greater Kansas City area.
I have lived here for seven years and have not yet met the man of my dreams.
Which leads me to my theory on dating in Kansas City.
I think Kansas City has an identity crisis. It's big enough to be considered a real city, but it is nowhere near a Chicago, New York, Boston, Denver, Dallas or L.A.
So that leaves us single gals with three categories of men to contend with because the guys also have identity crises.
I can honestly say that all of my dates have fallen into one of my concocted categories.
First, the decent guys who are just too shy to ever make a first move, or any move for that matter.
Then we have the group that thinks their presence alone is a gift to all women. These guys dress nice and smell good, but are unapproachable; they talk about every woman in the place and make no secret about it.
And lastly there are the men who are either with the wrong woman or have been hurt so badly that they just want to be held.
I am holding out for a fourth category. I am confident it exists - IT JUST HAS TO EXIST! In this category there are men (or a least a man) who are easy to talk to, witty, successful, not a commitment-phobe and sincerely into me.
Is that too much to ask?
Kansas City is a great place for families to live. It's a friendly town with a variety of resources and community activities, and I appreciate those qualities. But what about us singles?
Speed dating was happening two years ago, internet dating scares me, I refuse to "dip my pen in company ink" and my married friends have married friends.
Meanwhile, my dentist wants me to meet her brother that lives in St. Charles, my mom's friend wants me to get to know her friend's son in Chicago, my college roommate has a colleague for me in Houston and the list goes on.
Unfortunately the list does not include men that live in the same town as I.
The bottom line?
Category Four Men: come out, come out wherever you are.
Join the Discussion
The Kansas City Star is pleased to provide this opportunity to share information, experiences and observations about what's in the news. Some of the comments may be reprinted elsewhere on the site or in the newspaper. We encourage lively, open debate on the issues of the day, and ask that you refrain from profanity, hate speech, personal comments and remarks that are off point. Thank you for taking the time to offer your thoughts.