Q: My special friend and I are both in our 50s and widowed, and at first I thought we might get married. But now he’s saying he won’t marry me until I prove that I love him by letting him have sex with me. Is he right? This wasn’t the way I was raised. — W.M.
A: Be grateful for those who raised you; they clearly wanted to put your feet on the right path in life. They had observed both the joys of sex within marriage and the dangers of sex outside of marriage, and they wanted to help you understand this.
Remember: God gave us the gift of our sexuality. He gave it to us for our happiness, but he also warned us of its dangers. He meant for it to be an expression of the commitment and love of a husband and wife for each other within the bonds of marriage. Outside of the commitment of marriage, however, it easily becomes an expression of selfishness and exploitation, which are the opposite of true love. The Bible says, “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).
I urge you not to give in to this person’s pressures. Frankly, one of humanity’s oldest lies is his claim that if you love him you must prove it by letting him have sex with you. If he truly loved you, he would want you both to wait.
Put Christ first in your life and seek God’s will for your future. Don’t let your loneliness or anything else pressure you into doing something you know isn’t his will. Yes, I know God’s moral standards are widely mocked today, but God knows our deepest needs, and his way is always best.
Write to the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association, 1 Billy Graham Parkway, Charlotte, N.C., 28201 or go to BillyGraham.org.