It’s the holidays! Your relatives have been waiting 12 long months to ask you: (a) what the deal is with (insert your generation here) anyway; (b) how to fix their printers; and (c) why you’re denying them happiness by refusing to find love.
The answers are: (a) Why are you so obsessed? It’s bordering on creepy; (b) Try turning it off, turning it on, and then turning yourself around and shaking it all about; and (c) ... You’re going to need a lot of options here because you’re going to be asked this question many times. Just go with whatever feels right for the occasion from the below options:
▪ My dog ate my boyfriend.
▪ My boyfriend ate my dog.
▪ Did you know Goldie Hawn is still unmarried?
▪ I’m thinking about getting my fish a bicycle.
▪ Have you seen “Golden Girls”? So fabulous.
▪ Waiting for Barack.
▪ Do you think it’s my personality?
▪ Who needs love when you have rum cake?
▪ I meet a ton of great, eligible people who I’m super into and who like me, but I’m just, like, trying to perfect the break-up, you know?
▪ I’m doing a Benjamin Button thing.
▪ My angel hasn’t fallen from heaven yet.
▪ Taking a bye year.
▪ But first dates are so fun.
▪ Really committed to my Netflix queue right now.
▪ You know, you can just buy waffle irons? They don’t make you show a marriage license or gift registry or anything.
▪ I’ve improved playing hard to get — I play impossible to get.
▪ I vowed I’d never live with roommates again, so marriage is out.
▪ Have you heard the new Adele? Still heartbroken.
▪ I think I’m about to beat Level One on Tinder, so things are going well.
▪ Some animals mate for life. I’m on the fruit fly plan.
▪ My gym membership is for one, and that contract is ironclad, so…
▪ There just aren’t a lot of eligible single people where I am, which is mostly on my couch.
▪ When I win Dungeons & Dragons, I think she’ll be impressed.
▪ My grilled cheese pan is really built for one.
▪ In a pretty committed relationship with my student loan officer.
▪ Did you hear that? That’s the sound of another egg dying.
▪ The diagnosis isn’t good. My doctor says I have a month at most before my wrists totally give out from swiping.
▪ Do you think they’ll let me trade in my PhD for a Mrs.?
▪ I’ve almost filled my punch card on OkCupid, and then I earn a free relationship.
▪ I lost faith after Justin and Selena broke up the second, third and fourth times.
▪ I’m on the waiting list.
▪ Everyone just treats each other like pizza these days.
▪ My astrologist advises against it.
▪ Waiting for tonight.
▪ If JLo can’t find love, what chance do I have?
▪ I keep kissing frogs, but I think the biology lab is onto me.
▪ My MASH results from middle school said I’d get married at 37, so I’m just waiting it out.
▪ My brand is single.
▪ Oh, wow. Look at the time.