Our guess is there’s gonna be a whole lotta Royals players running around at parties this weekend and Halloween night — and maybe an orange Marlins Man or two.
But those aren’t the only costume ideas that reflect the 2014 zeitgeist. (Or should we say frightgeist?)
If you, like us, almost forgot that Halloween is still on the calendar this year (it’s next Friday), here are some quick ideas we stole from the news and pop culture.
▪ Angie’s wedding dress: To mimic the gown Angelina Jolie wore when she and Missouri’s own Brad Pitt finally got hitched, you just need a long white dress (check out a thrift store). Then find a couple of artistic tykes, give them markers and voila! You have the look of a celebrity without all those kids.
▪ The Ice Bucket Challenge: You could, of course, haul around a bucket filled with actual ice water. But any bucket in the vicinity of your head will work. And you don’t even have to make a donation! (But you really should.)
▪ A big butt: If you’re already blessed with some junk in the trunk, you’re all set, although your costume might not be completely obvious. You probably want to add some padding to really show that thing off. Might help to have your phone playing “All About That Bass” or “Anaconda.” Thank you, Nicki Minaj.
▪ The Ebola virus: We know, it’s probably too soon, but that won’t stop some revelers. The easiest costume would probably be an Ebola health care worker in a hazmat suit (trash bags, goggles, face mask and boots). The website Brands on Sale is hawking an “Ebola Containment Suit” for $79.99: “This will literally be the most ‘viral’ costume of the year.” Ha ha.
▪ “Orange Is the New Black”: The Netflix hit about women in prison is sure to send some Halloweeners in search of orange scrubs. Or orange dye.
▪ Anything “Wizard of Oz”: You probably haven’t heard that this year is the 75th anniversary of a certain 1939 MGM Technicolor fantasy. Which means you’re actually being current when you don Dorothy’s gingham frock or the Wicked Witch’s green makeup.
▪ The royal baby: To convince everyone you’re Will and Kate’s firstborn, you’ll need a crown (get one at a costume or party shop), a homemade sash or nametag (Prince George) and, to really make this work, a big diaper. Or you can be expecting-again-and-suffering-from-morning-sickness Kate. Don a tiara and frantically run to the bathroom every so often.
▪ Anything “Frozen”: The animated Disney movie has inspired scads of kids costumes in stores (good luck finding an Elsa wig!). But an easy “Frozen” costume is buying some of those lunch sack “ice cubes” and stringing them around your neck. To really commit to it, freeze them beforehand.
▪ “Breaking Bad”: The AMC drama about a drug-dealing chemistry teacher wrapped a year ago, but people are still talking about it. Just this week, Toys R Us pulled a line of “Breaking Bad” action figures. Which means you can freely borrow ideas from the dolls, like carrying a sack of cash and a bag of “meth.”
▪ Skinny-dipping Kevin Yoder: We admit to smiling at the “naked” TV commercials run by the Kansas congressman’s opponent, Kelly Kultala. (Yoder, a Republican, admitted to swimming nude in the Sea of Galilee while on a 2011 fact-finding mission.) How you let it all hang out at a Halloween party is up to you. Maybe flesh-colored tights with thick black tape over certain parts. And for the other side of the aisle …
▪ Paul Davis at the strip club: If you haven’t heard about this years-ago incident, you’ve somehow managed to ignore the TV ads that GOP Gov. Sam Brownback of Kansas is running against his Democratic opponent. To pull this off, you need glasses, a drink in your hand and a G-string around your neck.
▪ The World Cup biter: The World Cup was big this year, although nowhere near as big as the World Series, at least around here. To portray Luis Suarez, who got himself temporarily banned for biting another player (not for the first time!), you’ll need a white T-shirt, white shorts and a soccer ball. Then you run around “biting” people.
▪ The “Happy” hat: Step 1 is finding a reasonable facsimile of the topper that “Happy” singer Pharrell Williams wore at the Grammys this year. (Website eBay sells one for $23.95.) Step 2: Smile! You actually have to look happy. (If the Royals keep winning, this shouldn’t be too hard.)