Q: My wife and I have been together for eight years. When we first met, I was in the military and she was a bartender. Needless to say, she made far more money than I did at the time. Six months into our relationship, she got pregnant and quit her job. For the next seven years she raised our children and went to school while I did whatever I had to do — working two jobs —– to make enough to pay the bills.
I am now out of the military. I have been at a company for six years, and we are finally reaching a point where we don’t worry about money as much. She will graduate from school soon and hopefully start working right after. She now says that when she starts working, she wants to keep separate bank accounts and split the bills evenly based on pay.
Until now, I haven’t resented her for not working because she has been caring for our children, our home and has been a full-time student, but the thought of her wanting to keep her money to herself is weird and hurtful to me. How can I bring this up with her without making it seem like I think she owes me something? — Separate Accounts in Texas
A: Ask your wife why she wants to separate your finances, because marriage is supposed to be a partnership. She does “owe you something”: an explanation.
Q: I am a 65-year-old cross-dresser who has a deep, burning desire to be a woman. I guess you could call me gender dysphoric. I will never realize this dream of mine, though, and I have accepted myself as I am and have learned to live with it. I am not depressed.
My situation is difficult because my wife does not approve, so I try to be discreet. Sometimes I underdress and finish my hair and makeup in the car in a park. Then I’ll walk or go shopping. I like people to see me like this. Because they don’t know me, I’m sure sometimes they see a man in a dress, but I don’t mind.
However, I am always alone in my altered state and all the groups meet at night. I’m a daytime person, and it’s much easier to get out as “Sheila” in the late mornings and early afternoons. Is there some way for me to find some groups that meet in the afternoon? Is there someone I can contact? I appreciate your help. — Just a Dream
A: An organization that has appeared in my column before may be helpful for you. It’s the Society for the Second Self (Tri-Ess International), and it offers not only support for heterosexual cross-dressers, but also their spouses, partners and families.
It’s the oldest and largest support organization for cross-dressers and the people who love them. It promotes cross-dressing with dignity and decency, and treats spouses on an equal basis with their cross-dressers. To learn more about it, contact Tri-Ess at Tri-Ess.org.
Write Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.