Q: I am a 58-year-old man who has been meeting women online for a few years. I recently met “Molly,” whose profile said she was 60. We dated several times and then she spent a few days at my house. Certain things she said made me suspect she was older. So I looked her name up online and found out she was seven years older than she had advertised.
I consider lying on a dating profile to be similar to lying on a job application. When she asked me when she could come over again, I nicely said I couldn’t consider a long-term relationship with someone her age.
So what’s the penalty for putting false info on a dating profile? Grounds for dismissal, like with a job? — Wants Someone My Own Age
A: Dating sites are a form of advertising, and as with “buying” any product, the rule is caveat emptor: let the buyer beware. Many women and men fudge the truth on dating sites when stating their height, weight, age and income. (There’s a saying in journalism: If your mother says she loves you, check it out.)
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Not everyone ages at the same rate. Some people are “old” at 45. Others are healthy, vital and energetic at 70. Molly was able to pass for younger than her chronological age. If the number is that important to you, it’s your right to move on. But being rigid about age could let a good person slip by. Everyone puts their best foot forward. Get used to it.
Q: I’m facing major surgery in Seattle, where my son and his wife live, 2,000 miles from my home. After the surgery, I must stay in town for 10 days until my post-op appointment. Then I’ll be given the green light to travel home.
During that period, my son will be working overseas and his wife plans to join him. Because their condo will be empty, I asked if my husband and I could stay there during my recovery. My son informed us that while we are welcome to stay there when they’re in town, we are not welcome when they aren’t.
My son would never do this to us; I know it came from his wife. I also know that if the request were from HER mother, she’d be welcome in a heartbeat.
I have been nothing but generous and supportive of them. We aren’t slobs and would care for the place as if it were our own. I just don’t understand. How do I react? What can I say? My son’s wife has isolated him from some of his friends, too. — Aching in Alaska
A: Your disappointment is understandable, but the way to react is to tell your son that you are disappointed and you will make other arrangements for a place to recuperate. I don’t think it would be helpful right now to point out that his wife has isolated him from his friends and appears to be doing the same with his mother and dad. He will figure that out for himself in time, if he doesn’t already know.
Write Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.