Q: I am in a happy relationship with a wonderful man. Our life is great together and I wouldn’t want it any other way. I have one issue, however. I like to look at lesbian porn maybe a few times a week. I don’t actually want to be with another woman, it’s just a fantasy of mine.
Is this wrong? Should I tell my boyfriend? I don’t know if I’m making too much out of this, or if there are other women out there who are in the same situation. — Curious in Texas
A: Books have been written about the many varied sexual fantasies women have. Yours is not unusual, and you shouldn’t feel guilty about it. Nothing compels you to share your fantasy with your boyfriend unless you feel a need to. (But if you do, don’t be shocked if he finds it a turn-on, because many men also fantasize about women having sex together.)
Q: I’m four months’ pregnant by my ex-boyfriend. We ended our relationship six months ago but continued to see each other for sex. He’s in the Army and has been diagnosed with depression and PTSD. At first he was my knight in shining armor, but after I moved into his house, he become mentally and physically abusive.
He is now in a new relationship. He changed his phone number and hasn’t checked on me or our baby in weeks. I want him to have a relationship with his child, but every time I look at him I see a liar, a manipulator and an abuser who doesn’t care about either of us.
How do I get over my feelings and convince him to be in our child’s life? Or are my feelings justified and I’m just being a protective mother? — Protective Mother
A: What a sad letter. It would be interesting to know how much of his abusive behavior was a result of his depression and PTSD. But if you think that a mentally and physically abusive man, who has changed his phone number and done his best to get out of touch with you, is a suitable father figure for a child, you are kidding yourself.
You will, however, have a chance to make him live up to his financial responsibilities to the baby if you discuss this with an individual who is in a position to help you: an attorney. Don’t wait; start the conversations now.
Q: When I visited my sister 15 years ago, my brother-in-law tried to rape me. He was drunk and my sister was out with her friends. I have not revealed this to my family or my sister, who is emotionally and financially dependent on him.
My niece is now 20 years old and in college. I feel I should tell her what her dad did to me and warn her to be careful. What do you think? — Never Forgetting in Pennsylvania
A: Frankly, I think that if your brother-in-law was going to assault his daughter, it would have happened already, and you should have told your family what he tried to do to you at the time it occurred.
Write Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.