Q: I’ve been with my fiance for three years and I’m very much in love. A few months ago I asked to use his phone to look up something on the Internet because my battery had died. It opened up to a gay porn site! I was shocked and asked him if it was something he was looking at. He admitted that it was.
Nothing like this has happened to me before, so I began asking if that’s what he likes and is into. He assured me the answer was no. He said he looked because he was simply curious about it. He told me he loves women and doesn’t want to be with men. He said he was just looking.
I believe him, but is this normal behavior? — Weirded Out in the West
A: I took your question to an expert on the subject of adult entertainment viewing, Larry Flynt. He said that while curiosity is normal, not many heterosexual men make a habit of viewing gay male porn sites. He added that if your fiance is a regular consumer of this kind of entertainment, he may have latent homosexual tendencies.
I then consulted Jack Drescher, M.D., a psychoanalyst and expert on gender and sexuality, who told me that some people fantasize about people of the same sex, but never act on it. According to Dr. Drescher, what is important is that you and your fiance are able to talk about sex honestly and openly. If you need more assurances, continue this discussion so that you both will know what you’re getting if your betrothal leads to marriage.
Q: My husband of 40 years is a smoker. I am not but have learned to live with the smell, etc. Most of the time he smokes outside, except in winter, when he opens the bathroom window, smokes his cigarette, puts it out in the toilet and disposes of the butt in the trash can.
He has begun a new behavior that is really bothering me. When he wakes up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, he’ll light up a cigarette, take a few puffs and then put it out and return to bed. When he gets back in our bed, he stinks! And he coughs and coughs.
I try not to nag him about his smoking, but I’d really like to bring this up. Any suggestions on how? — In a Stink in Alaska
A: If your husband can’t sleep through the night without smoking, it should be obvious to you that your husband is seriously addicted to nicotine. How sad for him. Suggest that he keep a pack of nicotine gum in the medicine cabinet and chew it rather than light up before he returns to bed. That may solve your problem.
Q: We rented a house for my companion’s sibling reunion. During a conversation over breakfast, one sister became extremely upset with another sister for inserting herself into the conversation. I tried to make light of the situation and remarked to the offended sister that in a social gathering at a table, conversations are not private, but open and shared with others. She disagreed and insisted I was wrong. Have I been rude all of my life? Please settle this for us. — Curious in New Jersey
A: You have not been rude all your life. However, in this case you were foolish to put yourself in the middle of a sibling conflict, one that has probably been going on since the sisters were children. The next time it happens — and it will — pretend that you are Switzerland and remain neutral.
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