Minister wants time to himself at coffee shop

03/09/2014 6:21 PM

03/09/2014 6:21 PM

DEAR ABBY: I’m a member of the clergy who enjoys studying for my ministry and doctoral work at a local coffee shop. Three men who go there every day have found out that I’m a minister, and they each want to talk with me while I’m there. Although all three are members of the same religion, none of them is affiliated with a church.

I have invited them to visit my worship services, as well as call the office and set up an appointment with me. I have also tried to diplomatically explain that I go to the coffee shop to study. One of them ignores it, another appears hurt and the third one gets offended. When they’re not around, I am productive. When they show up, they want me to be their chaplain.

Because of where I live, finding another coffee shop is not a viable option. How can I set a boundary with them and still do my studying there? Thank you. — Reverend Ken in New York

DEAR REVEREND:

Do it the same way doctors or lawyers do with people who approach them for “free” advice outside the office. As soon as you are approached, say firmly, “I’m studying right now. If you want to talk, please call my office and I’ll schedule an appointment with you. Right now I’m busy.” And then refuse to be intimidated by their reaction. Unless you draw the line, they’ll suck you dry.

Blood pressure tied to kidney disease

DEAR ABBY: I thought I was a healthy 40-year-old until I was diagnosed with high blood pressure. My doctor began treating it as a stand-alone condition, without considering that high blood pressure is a major risk factor for kidney disease.

At first, I wasn’t even tested for kidney disease. But eventually, he gave me a urine test, and it was discovered that I had protein in my urine, one of the earliest signs of kidney damage. Apparently, my high blood pressure had damaged my kidneys.

Healthy kidneys filter out wastes and toxins, but my kidneys’ ability to do so began to decrease at an alarming rate. I continued to manage my blood pressure with medication and decided to make a few lifestyle changes, as well, that helped me avoid the progression of kidney disease to kidney failure.

I limited my salt intake, started eating more fruits, vegetables and whole grains, decreased the amount of meat I was eating and began swimming every day. I began to feel better, and when I went to the doctor, it turned out my kidney function had stabilized.

Please tell your readers that if they have high blood pressure they should be proactive and ask their doctor to check their kidneys. Early detection and lifestyle change can make a major impact on your health, as I have learned. — Duane Sunwold, Spokane, Wash.

DEAR DUANE:

It is generous of you to share your medical history in an effort to caution my readers. The National Kidney Foundation urges everyone to learn about these vital organs and whether they might be at risk.

The three major risk factors for kidney disease are: high blood pressure, diabetes and a family history of kidney failure. People who have these risk factors should ask their doctor to check their kidney function with a simple blood and urine test.

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