DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I have been engaged for two years. Our wedding is set for a year from now. I’m thinking about calling off our wedding, not because I don’t love him, or because I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with him. I know I want that. It’s because I’m the only one with a decent job. He has a job but doesn’t earn enough to support us.
I can’t be the only one earning an income. How are we supposed to move out of our parents’ houses and start a life together if I’m the one doing everything? What will happen when things need to start getting paid for, and there’s no guarantee he’ll find something? I have talked to him about it, and he’s angry. He knows it’s time to change his life around and get serious.
Should I keep the date and keep my fingers crossed he’ll find a job by then, or postpone our wedding, which has a venue but nothing else planned? I don’t need to get married anytime soon, and I’d prefer to wait until he can support himself and we are in a better place financially. Then I feel like we could move forward. Am I making the right decision? — Cautious in New Jersey
DEAR CAUTIOUS: Yes, you are. You are thinking with your head instead of being swept away by your emotions, and I applaud you for it. I have said for many years that before a woman marries she should be able to support herself, in case future circumstances require it. Well, the same is true for a man.
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DEAR ABBY: I am a gay man. Recently I rekindled a relationship I had with a guy I was close with many years ago. We have a lot of the same interests.
When he asked what it would take for us to be permanent, I asked that he stop smoking pot. He responded that he does it only “two or three times a year” and that for me to make that request was “controlling.” I asked him for no other changes.
I hate the smell of smoke, and pot is illegal in our state, so I broke it off because he wouldn’t agree. Did I do the right thing? — Tony in Florida
DEAR TONY: Yes, because his response to your simple request indicates that any accommodation you asked of him would likely be met with the same reaction.
DEAR ABBY: My 63-year-old husband refuses to cut his hair. It is gray and thinning and is now longer than mine. Even when it’s clean it looks dirty.
I was raised to take pride in my appearance. If I say anything about it, he thinks it’s funny, or the other extreme, that I am picking on him. He’s not a rock star or a young lad. Please help. — Neat and Clean in California
DEAR NEAT AND CLEAN: I’ll try. Your mistake is making his problem (poor grooming) your problem. Continue to take pride in your appearance, and if he prefers to look like an old hippie, let him. Neither you nor I can change him, and because his tresses are thinning, the problem may resolve itself.
Write Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.