If someone chops off Jaime Lannister’s other hand, will he stop raping his sister? Because we could all use a break from that. Don’t force us to feel sorry for Cersei.
“Breaker of Chains” begins right as last week’s “The Lion and the Rose” ended, with Cersei screaming in rage and grief. Most of this week’s “Game of Thrones” consisted of moving everyone into position to set up future conflict — Tyrion’s trial in particular.
Joffrey is still good and dead, much to the disappointment of those who would gleefully watch him revived and poisoned repeatedly. Tyrion seems deeply unsurprised to be accused of murder again, and Sansa’s absence is quickly noticed.
She does manage to make it out of the city and into a dinghy with Dontos, who promptly delivers her to a bigger boat — and Littlefinger. So nice to have our vile pimp back in the action. Sansa’s scene with him on the ship’s deck is bathed in mist and shades of gray, just one more way Sansa’s escape from King’s Landing slips her into a dangerous fog.
Kinda-sorta-the-Queen Margaery talks strategy with her grandmother Oleanna, who tells her, “You did excellent work with Joffrey. The next one will be easier.”
“The next one,” of course, is Prince Tommen. His grandparent, Tywin, has some heavy-handed advice for him that can’t wait until Joffrey is buried. Kings must be wise and listen to their advisers, and heirs must be produced.
“It’s all relatively straightforward,” Tywin says, launching into his sex-ed lecture as the two leave Cersei to mourn Joff alone. She’s really alone, too — no one else is even pretending to be upset.
Her brother Jaime shows up and does the worst job of comforting a mourning mother in history, forcing sex on Cersei next to Joff’s body. The only way that rape could have been worse would have been to do it directly on their son’s corpse. Let’s hope Tywin has updated whatever birds-and-bees talk he gave his own kids.
Never one to let a good crisis go to waste, Tywin also reaches out to Oberyn Martell, who always has at least four naked people with him in bed at any time. Dorne has a winning record against dragons, and Tywin is finally paying attention to the threat across the sea.
Stannis Baratheon nearly breaks a smile when he realizes his leech curse has struck down another victim, but he’s out of patience with Daavos, who decides to hit the Lannisters where they live — in the bank.
The wildlings are hard to root for this week, slaughtering a village of nice people, but they spare one lucky kid to carry a message to the Night’s Watch at Castle Black. (After telling him they’re going to eat his parents.) Anya practices her formidable lying skills and gets another lesson in “Life Ain’t Fair, Kid” from the Hound.
Thankfully, Daenerys and her crew are easy to root for as they finish up the episode. Daario finds a way to flirt while beheading a fighter outside the walls of Meereen, where the slaves have been building pyramids. Now, thanks to Daenerys, they’re thinking about an uprising.