I keep imagining that one episode of “Friends.” The one where Rachel tries to make dessert, but two pages of her cookbook stick together, resulting in an English trifle shepherd’s pie combo — the beef custard thing.Lord, please don’t let that be me. I knew this day was coming. I just didn’t think it would be so soon. But life throws you a curveball every now and then. In this case, it’s a Butterball. Here we are, less than a week from Thanksgiving and I just found out that I’m cooking dinner. I’m scared. Now don’t get me wrong. I’ve helped with the meal before. I’ve baked a little salmon and whipped up some mashed potatoes. As a little girl, I helped my dad with the pies. Still, that’s not the whole shebang. I don’t know the first thing about turkey beyond the fact that it tastes good fried with a side of gravy. I never paid attention to Mama’s moves in the kitchen. And I bypass the birds when I’m in the grocery store. I don’t even line up for samples. I’ve been asking around and doing some Web surfing. So far, I found out it takes up to three days to thaw a turkey. Now I know why people buy them so early, or fresh. And Martha Stewart’s site gave me some wisdom on how big a bird to get — two pounds per person. That sounds like an awful lot. But do I really have to stuff it? I don’t want to put my hands in there. I’m scared of that bag of pieces — the “innards” as my co-worker so delicately put it.But I have to admit, I’m just as excited as I am nervous. I think I can deal with the giblets if it means I get to make a meal that celebrates all we have to be thankful for. I can put on a brave face and call on my mama to talk me through a recipe or two. If all else fails, I have the Internet to help me. The Food Network recommends that rookies stick to the classics. So I’m thinking about a small turkey, stuffing, greens, macaroni and cheese, plus a sweet potato pie. Hey, a girl can dream big. I’m wrapping my head around this holiday dinner thing. I’m studying recipes and strategizing like a boxer before the big fight. I think I can do it.This Thanksgiving is mine. It’s just me and you, turkey.

Posted on Fri, Nov. 20, 2009 10:15 PM

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I can outsmart a turkey (I hope)

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Lord, please don’t let that be me. I knew this day was coming. I just didn’t think it would be so soon. But life throws you a curveball every now and then. In this case, it’s a Butterball.

Here we are, less than a week from Thanksgiving and I just found out that I’m cooking dinner. I’m scared.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’ve helped with the meal before. I’ve baked a little salmon and whipped up some mashed potatoes. As a little girl, I helped my dad with the pies.

Still, that’s not the whole shebang. I don’t know the first thing about turkey beyond the fact that it tastes good fried with a side of gravy. I never paid attention to Mama’s moves in the kitchen. And I bypass the birds when I’m in the grocery store. I don’t even line up for samples.

I’ve been asking around and doing some Web surfing. So far, I found out it takes up to three days to thaw a turkey. Now I know why people buy them so early, or fresh. And Martha Stewart’s site gave me some wisdom on how big a bird to get — two pounds per person. That sounds like an awful lot. But do I really have to stuff it? I don’t want to put my hands in there. I’m scared of that bag of pieces — the “innards” as my co-worker so delicately put it.

But I have to admit, I’m just as excited as I am nervous. I think I can deal with the giblets if it means I get to make a meal that celebrates all we have to be thankful for. I can put on a brave face and call on my mama to talk me through a recipe or two. If all else fails, I have the Internet to help me.

The Food Network recommends that rookies stick to the classics. So I’m thinking about a small turkey, stuffing, greens, macaroni and cheese, plus a sweet potato pie. Hey, a girl can dream big.

I’m wrapping my head around this holiday dinner thing. I’m studying recipes and strategizing like a boxer before the big fight. I think I can do it.

This Thanksgiving is mine. It’s just me and you, turkey.

Jeneé Osterheldt’s column runs in FYI on Monday, Wednesday and Saturday. To reach her, call 816-234-4380 or e-mail josterheldt@kcstar.com.

Posted on Fri, Nov. 20, 2009 10:15 PM

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