The wait is over. After months and months of speculation, Rihanna broke her silence and spoke about the devastating domestic violence that went on between her and fellow pop star Chris Brown.
For almost a year, people have been waiting to hear her recount the horrifying details of that night. But to me, it’s not about how it happened. It’s the fact that she is standing strong and encouraging other victims to do the same that is inspiring.
“I am strong,” Rihanna told Diane Sawyer on “Good Morning America.” “This happened to me. I didn’t cause this. I didn’t do it. This happened to me, and it can happen to anybody.”
Too often pop stars and pop culture throw away young girls. Music videos have turned them into hyper-sexualized vixens. TV has embraced the mistress as a celebrated role. A crowd of people stood by and watched while a young girl was raped after homecoming.
Women are more than punching bags and mattresses. It’s time we show young girls a different picture. Rihanna is doing her part to help young girls choose something different. But I did have a problem with one piece of advice she gave.
“I will say that to any young girl going through domestic violence, don’t react off of love. F love.”
She’s partly right. They shouldn’t react off love, because that is not what they are going through. Love is not pain. It’s not being choked, bitten or beaten. That’s abuse, and it’s something I pray any victim has the courage to leave.
However, real love is not something to be forgotten. In fact, it’s something I think young people should learn more about. I don’t feel like I learned a lot about what love between a man and a woman was when I was growing up.
We spend so much time obsessing over the downfall of Jon and Kate Gosselin or David Letterman’s scandal. But we should have more examples of what real love looks like. Instead of teaching our youth about the science of sex, we should be taking the time to be sure they know what love looks and feels like.
It’s not hanging on a pole in a music video. Or being a late-night booty call. It’s not making money rain all around you. It’s not about how hot a person is. These are the ideas that pop culture pushes.
In a recent interview with Katie Couric for Glamour magazine, Michelle Obama put it perfectly:
“Don’t look at the bankbook or the title. Look at the heart. Look at the soul. ... When you’re dating a man, you should always feel good. ... You shouldn’t be in a relationship with somebody who doesn’t make you completely happy and make you feel whole.”
Before you take on a role as the vixen or the mistress, or before you date a bad boy, know you can be happy and whole by yourself. It starts with loving yourself. And then you’ll be on a path toward loving someone else. And that is a lesson no one wants to learn the hard way.
Jeneé Osterheldt’s column runs in FYI on Monday, Wednesday and Saturday. To reach her, call 816-234-4380 or send e-mail to josterheldt@kcstar.com.
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