The last time I saw her, she was running down the street, barefoot and in her pajamas. Her boyfriend drove alongside her. They were arguing.</p><p>That was a long time ago. I wish I could say it was the first time I had seen the fighting, but it wasn&rsquo;t. It started with slamming doors and yelling matches. Then it turned into parking-lot brawls, clothes on the lawn, broken windows. Neighbors called the police. </p><p>No matter how many times the locks were changed or the cops were called, she took him back. And as a couple, they issued dirty looks to concerned neighbors. It was frustrating. People began to dismiss them. One person said, &ldquo;She&rsquo;s never going to learn.&rdquo;</p><p>We all like to think we know how we would handle the situation, but I doubt we really do. </p><p>This month is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and it&rsquo;s easy to spew judgments about abusive relationships when so many myths prevail. People think it&rsquo;s easy to leave. They think that if victims stay, they must like it. Then, there&rsquo;s the misconception that only women are abused. But men and children get abused every day as well.</p><p> There is nothing easy about it. When you are on the outside looking in, it&rsquo;s simple to think, &ldquo;Just leave.&rdquo; I have often wondered why a person wouldn&rsquo;t. My own mother is a survivor of domestic violence. And it took her years to say goodbye.</p><p>The fact is none of us knows what&rsquo;s going on behind closed doors. We only know part of the story. Some victims don&rsquo;t even see themselves as &ldquo;abused.&rdquo; How can people leave a situation they don&rsquo;t realize they are in? Others are in such danger, it&rsquo;s too scary to run. And then there&rsquo;s the harsh judgment victims often face. </p><p>It&rsquo;s hard to ask for help when people are scoffing with their &ldquo;It would never happen to me&rdquo; and &ldquo;You must like it because you stayed&rdquo; comments. It&rsquo;s one thing to be supportive and offer resources. But victims have to be ready to take that help. Just because they aren&rsquo;t ready when you are doesn&rsquo;t mean they are masochistic. </p><p>People think it could never happen to them. It could. I&rsquo;m sure Rihanna and Chris Brown never thought they would turn into the poster children for abusive relationships. </p><p>Rihanna has yet to receive the rights of a victim, to deal with her abuse in private. If people aren&rsquo;t debating whether she should speak out against domestic violence, they are reading deeply into every flip of her hair, fierce fashion move and edgy song lyric.</p><p>The pop star finally released her new comeback single last week, &ldquo;Russian Roulette.&rdquo; &ldquo;So many won&rsquo;t get the chance to say goodbye,&rdquo; she sings. &ldquo;But it&rsquo;s too late to pick up the value of my life.&rdquo; </p><p>The song is already being deemed a sinister portrayal of domestic violence. Some are criticizing it for its suicidal implications and the gun sounds in the background. They say the woman has gone dark. Well, Rihanna was never exactly bubblegum. I&rsquo;m not sure if she&rsquo;s singing about her situation or not. But if she is, that&rsquo;s OK. Despite the nonstop flashing cameras and the harrowing picture of her battered face that still haunts us, we don&rsquo;t know her story.</p><p>And I never will know the story of that girl running down the street barefoot and in her pajamas. She moved. I hope it means she was ready. Wherever she is I&rsquo;m hoping he never touches her again.</p><p><hr class="infobox-hr-separator" /> <div class="infobox"> <strong><span class="infobox-head">WHERE TO GET HELP </span></strong><br /> <strong>Do you or someone you know need help? It can start with a call to these 24-hour lines: </strong></p><p>&bull;Rose Brooks Center: 816-861-6100 </p><p>&bull;Safehome: 913-262-2868</p><p>&bull;Metropolitan Organization to Counter Sexual Assault: 816-531-0233 or 913-642-0233 </p><p>&bull;Kansas City Anti-Violence Project: 816-561-0550 (help line for lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgenders) </p><p>&bull;National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233</p><p></div>