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Me neither, although I may be in the minority where the news media are concerned. Some radio and TV types have challenged the Kansas City Police Department to a dodge ball game. Proceeds from the so-called “News vs. Blues” charity throwdown will benefit the KCPD Care Team.
“Under any other circumstances, hitting a cop with anything is a felony,” says KCTV news anchor Dana Wright. “It will be a blast! Proceeds to the injured officer fund.”
Dodge ball is the game we once played before blatant violence between children fell out of fashion.
The clash goes down Saturday at the KCPD Regional Training Academy, and darn the luck the officers won’t be in uniform, meaning the newsies won’t be able to take aim at tempting targets like Tasers and ticket pads.
You want smack talk? Wright has it: “The officers, especially the tactical guys, might be bigger than we are, but they throw like a bunch of girls. But some of the reporters are wearing helmets because at the end of the day, no one wants to suffer a career-ending facial injury.”
KC police Capt. Rich Lockhart’s take?
“Normally reporters can hide behind the computers and the cameras when they attack people, but this time they won’t have anything to hide behind, so that will even the score, so to speak.”
Speaking of sports …
One of Kansas’ most acclaimed sporty types, famed baseball statistician Bill James, is back with The Bill James Gold Mine 2008, a collection of “essays, statistical profiles and hidden nuggets from the man who revolutionized baseball analysis.”
Never heard of James? No problem.
“Starting in the 1970s, a night watchman from Kansas forever changed the way that many people view baseball analysis and ultimately the game itself,” reads a cover blurb, alongside kudos from the Wall Street Journal, USA Today, Sports Illustrated and The New Yorker.
Naturally, James has some advice for the lowly Royals.
“One of the best leadoff men in the major leagues is languishing on the Kansas City Royals’ bench,” he writes. “I am not here to criticize the Royals decision not to play Esteban German more or to second guess them. The Royals deserve credit and praise for rescuing German from a life in the minor leagues, not criticism for the incompleteness of their insight.”
James ranks MLB’s top leadoff men without home-run-hitting power because it costs too much to sign dudes like former Royal Carlos Beltran. He slots German in at No. 5, ahead of Yankees star Derek Jeter at No. 9.
“Taking this list for what it is worth, it creates an argument that Esteban German should have been in the lineup for the last two years ...,” James writes. “Over the last two seasons German has led off in 172 innings, and the Royals have scored 6.02 runs per nine innings when he has. They don’t score that often with anybody else leading off. … It’s time to hand him the keys and let him see if he can drive the offense.”
Oh, brother
One local radio personality who had his fill of pushy parents described the Jonas Brother concert last week as “Jonas hell.”
I won’t quibble, having gone to the show, but for the vast majority of attendees it was probably closer to Jonas heaven. Some eyewitness observations:
•Worst concert souvenir: The ubiquitous creepy red, $35 T-shirts that read Future Mrs. Jonas. What’s up with that? How about dialing it back to “Future MySpace Date” or for moms, an equally distasteful “Future Mrs. Robinson”?
•Remember when Jack Harry’s high school son got tagged for nearly $60 for chips and salsa in a Sprint Center suite? Nachos at the concession stand go for five measly bucks.
•“You want to know the best deal here?” asked concessionaire Dede Hill. “It’s called the KC (BBQ) Dog. It’s a foot long, all-beef dog and smothered in barbecue brisket and onion petals. It’s wonderful.”
The dog goes for $7.
•Missing in action: Decent sound and/or acoustics, and giant video screens that would have offered the majority of the attendees the ability to distinguish the performers from the tiny stick figures they otherwise were.
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