Theres nothing funny about autism.
By JAMES A. FUSSELL
The Kansas City Star
Wait a minute. Yes there is especially when Chris Long tells the boob story.
But lets back up.
Earlier this month several area parents coached by local comics practiced routines about the humorous side of living with autistic kids. On Friday theyll take the stage for real at the Mission Theatre for the all-in-fun, over-21 autism fundraiser An Evening With the Rents, (short for parents). The show benefits Camp Encourage, a local summer program for autistic kids.
As music played, Long walked to the mic in a lime-green hoodie. She told a story about visiting McDonalds with her husband, Scott, and their 11-year-old autistic son, Dakota. While Dakota doesnt talk, Long explained, he does love to rub peoples skin.
Hell rub your arms or your back, she said. Any warm skin. He just loves it. So were at McDonalds (Play Place) and hes doing great. But pretty soon he starts rubbing this ladys arm, and shes turning redder and redder.
Its summertime, and shes got this huge chest, and a very low-cut top. And he just reaches in and grabs this womans boob. And he just starts ruub-bin and I dont know what to do. Im like, Scott? And hes like, What? You want me to go grab the other one?
The dozen or so people in the room exploded with laughter. A smiling Long took it all in.
Note to self, she seemed to be thinking. The boob joke kills!
Except it was more than just a joke. Its was one of the many frustrating, and often humorous, realities parents have to deal with when living with a child on the spectrum.
Autism known as a spectrum disorder affects 1 in 88 people, and 1 in 54 boys. No two cases are exactly alike.
People with autism just process the world a little differently, said Keenan Stump, a therapist who works with autistic kids in their homes.
The disorder often impairs judgment over whats socially acceptable.
Stump, 37, an adjunct professor at Rockhurst University, got the idea for the comedy night after hearing parents share funny stories at another fundraiser.
By the end of the night my wife and I were in tears, he said. Its absolutely cathartic.
He persuaded a handful parents of autistic children to overcome their stage fright, and then got local comedians to help focus their material and hone their delivery.
How many fundraisers do you go to that are a walk? he said. I dont have anything against those, but it could be a lot more fun when people are swearing and drinking booze.
The shows headliner will be Lou Melgarejo, a Chicago blogger who won the 2011 Speak Out award from Autism Speaks, a national advocacy and awareness group. The yearly award honors those who go above and beyond in promoting the organization.
At rehearsal, as the next parent waited her turn, Stump grabbed the mic.
All you have to worry about tonight, really, is just getting a feel for being up here, walk around, test it out, grab the microphone, pace if you want. There are lights on, and people will be staring.
Im really nervous right now, said Olivia Cytrynowicz, a Hallmark greeting card editor whose 4-year-old, Otto, is autistic. Ive coined a little phrase for how I feel. Its called pee-vomit. I could pee my pants or puke right now.
But I figure this is the crowd I could probably do that in front of and it wouldnt be too shocking, right? (Some autistic children have gastrointestinal issues, and many have problems learning to relieve themselves appropriately, parents said.)
OK. A little bit about myself. I grew up with a non-verbal autistic brother. His name is Roger. In a time when people really didnt know what autism was Id say, Dont make fun of him. Hes autistic. And theyd say, Artistic? No. No. No. Autistic. So now, being a mother of a 4-year-old son with autism, it is so gratifying to live in a time when people know what autism is, and we can get together and support each other in a night of love and laughter.
Here here! someone shouted. Yeah!
You know youre an autism parent when you own cleaning products with names like Urine Destroyer, she said. It really works. I should know because my couch is coated in it.
You know youre an autism parent when the school calls to let you know that your autistic child pushed another child over a toy, and youre so so flippin excited that your kid initiated play with the other kid, you almost forget to ask if the other kids OK.
After many laughs, she ended on a tender note.
You know youre an autism parent when it takes a lot to shock you or surprise you or freak you out. But it takes very little, like appropriate eye contact, an initiated conversation or an I love you, Mom to melt your heart.
Stump can hardly believe the improvement.
To see these parents transform into comedians, instead of just a mom telling a story, is mind blowing, he said. The delivery, the timing, the little gestures. Its like theyve been doing it their whole lives.
After parents performed, each consulted with a mentor local comics Brady Goodman (a DJ on 99.7 FM the Point) and Steve Moser (a finalist on Last Comic Standing), who also will host the show.
The area where I can (offer) the most help is a tiny bit of writing, stage awareness and mobility and what to do with the mic, Goodman said. They have so much material. Im just trying to get them to a place where theyre comfortable.
He knows theyre scared.
Its one thing to get up there and tell knock-knock jokes, he said. Its quite another to share intimate family experiences and risk judgment. I give them so much credit.
How will they do on show night?
Its possible we witness a microphone train wreck, he said. Were living on the edge, here, and thats what makes this so exciting. I just want them to know its not all about one-liners. Tell your story, and people will laugh along the way. Anyway you look at it, these parents are just giving such a gift to their community.
Jennifer Smith of Gardner, the executive director of Autism Society The Heartland, knows how much that means.
I get daily calls from families, and I hear the desperation in their voices, she said. There is such a sadness when a family member is diagnosed. But theres another side that doesnt get shared. There are so many things that we laugh about. Its not that we are making fun of our children. You have to have humor to survive.
And, on cue
Take my (autistic) son, she said, switching to comedian mode. On Sunday he was running. And how many times have I said, Dont run in your socks! Youre going to fall? And sure enough he hit the linoleum and boom! Then he yelled, My butt! My butt! And hes a big boy. Six feet tall. And Im trying not to laugh, but its hard. You just look at all these situations, and you can either cry or laugh. And I choose to laugh.
To reach James A. Fussell call 816-234-4460, or send email to firstname.lastname@example.org.