DEAR ABBY: Last August my husband and I allowed our sons 17-year-old girlfriend, Lindsay, to move into our home from out of state because she needs to establish residency for school. Shes mature, social and helpful.
By JEANNE PHILLIPS
My other sons (ages 18 and 14) are very angry that we have allowed a stranger to move in. My 18-year-old is a college student who lives an hour away but comes home on weekends. He and his younger brother feel I show favoritism to Lindsay. They worry that Im spending money on her even though they know her mom sends her money.
Ill admit it has been nice to have a girl around. My boys sleep half the day away on weekends, but she gets up and is happy to run errands with me. I still include my sons in many activities without Lindsay, as I always have, and I did not anticipate this hostility. Help! Mom of Three Sons
DEAR MOM: You and your husband are the parents, which means you are supposed to be running this asylum, not the inmates. The decision about who should or should not be a guest in your home is not up to your jealous older and younger boys, who appear to be suffering from a form of sibling rivalry.
As a guest in your home, Lindsay should be treated with respect, and if your wishes are not complied with, there should be consequences.
Wife hurt by secret
DEAR ABBY: My husband of five years has three children from previous marriages. Earlier this year he learned some disturbing information about his youngest child. He opted not to share the information with me so as not to violate her privacy. I found out about it a few weeks ago, and I am deeply hurt that I was excluded.
I feel I have never been included as a true part of the family, and this is just another example. He feels his explanation justifies his actions and that should be the end of it. I am concerned that he will keep other things from me he feels are none of my business in the future. I am not at all comfortable with this situation. Do you think I am overreacting? Stepmonster in the South
DEAR STEPMONSTER: Yes, I do. Your husband decided not to discuss something with you that he felt would violate his daughters privacy. Much as you might like to, you cant push your way into being accepted. If relationships are going to happen, they must evolve naturally. So calm down and stop personalizing this. It isnt a threat to your marriage unless you make it so.
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