D EAR ABBY: My husband and I live in a 55-plus retirement community. We do many things together, but we also do things independently. One resident decided to form two men’s clubs. One meets every week for breakfast, and the other twice a month at night. The members go to each other’s homes for the evening meetings.
By JEANNE PHILLIPS
Abby, the man who started these clubs is chauvinistic. He made a rule that women are not allowed in their own homes when their husbands host a meeting — “no skirts allowed.” Therefore, even though the wife prepares everything for her husband’s meeting, she’s told to slip out of the house before anyone arrives.
My husband agrees that this is ridiculous and is considering quitting the club, but he has formed friendships with some of the men. The guys are bamboozled by the leader and tell their wives that anything said at a meeting is “confidential.”
The obvious solution would be to meet at a coffee shop, but the man in charge says the homes provide a more intimate setting. My husband feels bad about it, and I don’t want him to quit a group he enjoys. Any suggestions? — Good Little Vegas Wife
DEAR GOOD LITTLE WIFE: It appears the founder of the clubs has his head stuck firmly in the 1950s. And while we can’t change that, I do have some suggestions.
The first is that the wives stop preparing anything and let the “bachelors” do it themselves or order takeout or deli for their meetings. The second is that the “widows” join together for an evening of fun while the men are having their meetings. Of course, nothing that happens during these ladies’ evenings of fun should be shared with the husbands, including what they did or what clubs they may have visited.
P.S. Because your husband feels bad about how the women are being treated, perhaps he should consider attending only the breakfast get-togethers and seeing those men in the evening group he has bonded with independently.
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