DEAR ABBY

After two costly mistakes, he won’t get married again

Updated: 2014-01-22T00:12:28Z

By JEANNE PHILLIPS

Universal Uclick

DEAR ABBY: I am a 53-year-old male who is fit, healthy and has a good job. I also have two failed marriages behind me, which have cost me dearly, both emotionally and financially. I have no intention of making that mistake again! I have been on my own for five years, and in that time I have had five relationships, always with women my age (give or take a few years).

My problem is that women my age seem to have only one agenda: marriage. One very nice lady finally clarified her feelings by saying that at this time in her life, she didn’t have time for “just dating” because in a few years she’d be 60.

I understand her dilemma, but I’m not interested in younger women. I try hard to make it clear at the beginning of any relationship that marriage is out of the question, and I don’t proceed with the relationship unless the lady wholeheartedly agrees. But somehow I have broken five good hearts, whose only transgression was falling in love with me. — Nobody’s Retirement Husband

DEAR N.R.H.: I admire your self-image. You must be doing something right to have the ladies lining up the way they are. However, you may not be as effective a communicator as you think you are if five different women failed to get the message you said you convey. I have several thoughts about your predicament:

If your only fear of marriage is that you would again be cleaned out financially, a strong prenuptial agreement could help you avoid any problem if a third marriage didn’t work. However, if variety is what you prefer, then you should restate your message every few months as these relationships blossom. (Or you could move to a monastery and stop dangling yourself in the dating pool.)

Sex offender at work

DEAR ABBY: Once a year I type my ZIP code into a website to see who the registered sex offenders are in my area. My jaw dropped to the floor when I saw a man listed that I work with and see quite often.

I haven’t said anything to him. I have known this person for five years and thought he was a good guy who respected women.

Should I tell my teenage daughter who sometimes visits me in the office? Should I tell the other women who work here? If a co-worker knew this kind of information and showed it to me, I’d be grateful to know. — Stunned in the City

DEAR STUNNED: Tell your daughter to keep her distance from this co-worker. But before you drop this bombshell at the office, you should first discuss what you have learned with your employer.

Napkin tossing

DEAR ABBY: My son and his wife believe that when you finish a good meal, you toss your napkin on the now-empty plate. They say this sends a message that the food was great.

Is this inappropriate behavior or is this legit? — Not a Napkin-Tossing Dad

DEAR DAD: Your son and his wife need to re-read the chapter on table manners in their etiquette book. When a meal is finished and the plate is empty, diners should place their used napkins on the table beside their dessert plate. It should not be placed on top of a dirty plate.

© Universal Uclick 1/22

Write Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069. Dear Abby runs Monday through Saturday.

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